Archive of stupid from A to Z, Part 5

Raytheon

Yet another joke of a Stinkassachusetts company. I lost count of how many design jobs I applied for, almost all of them resulting in the following message arriving in my email inbox months later: “This email is to notify you that this requisition has been cancelled.” Whatever.

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Real Staffing Group

In July 2014 I applied for a designer/art director position listed with this agency in New York, thinking that maybe I'd have better luck with a recruitment agency that is beyond the New England area. I was wrong. On July 8 I spoke with the recruiter (surprise! it was once again an inept inexperienced young girl) who explained this was with Evoke Health, a marketing agency in NJ who serves the healthcare industry. She asked if I had experience working in healthcare. What a stupid question. Is this really the new face of employment in America, where you can only perform your job across identical industries? So, an accountant who worked in a hospital can never ever be qualified to perform accounting in a bank? Or, a plumber is not "qualified" to install toilets in south-facing houses because he mostly installed toilets in west-facing houses? I explained my history of working in a design agency for many years where one learns to work with a diverse line of clients, including, yes, healthcare and pharma clients. I then tried my best to explain that as a freelance/independent designer I must be able to adapt to every industry out there (I have a physician as one of my freelance clients), and that company industry is in fact completely irrelevant as no designer is going to last very long if they cannot design across more than one or two areas. She had the nerve to ask if she could speak to my references. I said NO, you can speak to my references when you are ready to offer me a job. After the call we exchanged a few emails, the last one was her saying “the hiring manager is back in the office tomorrow so I will speak about your profile and see if it would be a good fit.” Well, gee, if it’s her decision and not yours, shouldn’t they have been the one to talk to me today? Whatever. Two weeks went by and I heard nothing back, so I assumed either I didn’t “qualify” (whatever that means) or they submitted me to Evoke who rejected me for the usual reasons (usual reason being age).

On July 22, I received the following email: “I wanted to follow up and see if you wouldn’t mind sending me a few bullet points highlighting your experience within the pharmaceutical/healthcare space. I know you said you had a lot of pharma clients at X so I wanted to glean a little more from that before speaking to Evoke Health about an open Art Director role!” Once again, I find myself saying WTF? I already explained my background to you. And, just what the hell have you been doing for the past two weeks with my application?

My response, where it’s pretty clear I’ve given up on this person: “I’m afraid I can’t offer anything here as that was quite some time ago. The only company name I recall was X, and I don’t have the samples anymore. The bullets would read as any of my experienced areas, creative conceptual design of artwork for presentations, white papers and web, being able to communicate with the client in a professional manner and adhering to budget/time.”

Her silly response: “Ok, gotcha, but that is still a space you feel comfortable in?”

Oh, for the love of dog. The stupid just keeps coming and coming. Let me see if I can hammer this point into this brain one last time.

“Absolutely. My freelance/contract status requires that I be able to adapt to *any* setting, be it pharma, financial, IT, manufacturing or medical (this is what 17 years of work experience gives you!).” NO response received. Never heard back.

Fast forward to October 1, when I get the following email: “How was your summer? I know we have been pursuing full-time opportunities, but I was wondering if you were available for a 4-6 week contract in New York City. The company that reached out to me is looking for an excellent JavaScript front end developer with great HTML and CSS skills who have worked in ad agency, advertising, pharma marketing, or web publishing. Agency experience would be best. And if you have significant experience with coding animation of user experience page elements using Jquery .animate(), Velocity.js, or other JavaScript animation library and/or css3 transforms, transitions, animations and filters, that's a huge bonus! Let me know if this is of interest!”

JavaScript front end developer? Where the hell does she see this title or any of these skills on my resume? My curt response was, “this job is not in my field (I do not know JavaScript, it's not even on my resume).”

Two months later in December another recruiter from this firm contacted me via phone. During the call I told her that I never received proper follow-up from the other recruiter. She apologized and said that person is no longer with the company (which is a lie, her name still appears as a contact on jobs they have posted). She asked me to send her an updated resume, one that shows what I’ve been doing since October 2013 (the last role on my resume), and I confessed my sin that I have been unemployed since then, so the resume she had is indeed “current.” After the call she emailed me, “It was great talking to you today, I'm looking forward to working together. Would you be able to send me the updated resume we discussed?” SMH. And *that* was the *last* time I heard from this dumb company.

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Rosetta Stone

PART 1

In April 2014 Rosetta advertised a presentation designer job located in Los Angeles. I've been designing for presentations since 1997, hence I applied. It was 8:30am EST when I completed the application. I received the rejection email at 8:36am EST – 5:36am LA time…

Let’s see…I have 17 years’ experience doing exactly what this job requires, but I am not qualified. Needless to say, my website/portfolio received no visitors in those six minutes between my application submittal and my rejection. 

Here’s the funny thing. The job description said design agency experience was required (which I have). But the application asked “Have you worked with a marketing agency?” There’s a difference between “design” agency and “marketing” agency, so whoever put this application together is an idiot. Of course, I checked “no” to the marketing agency thing. I also put $0 for salary history as IT IS NOT THEIR BUSINESS WHAT I EARNED IN MY LAST JOB.

The big question, though, is whether or not I am to believe this useless individual, Mary Schneider, was actually reviewing my application at 5:36am.

I sent the clown a little response which I assumed would just be dismissed automatically by a bot. Shortly thereafter, I received a response from another HR clown: “Our marketing team forwarded me your submission to our website. I wanted to personally apologize for this. This happened because of a mistake made on how the application it was created – it was set up to automatically disqualify anyone who answered a certain application question. This was a total mistake on our part – human error that caused a crappy corporate experience. This is not what we wanted to do. In fact, we want to do the opposite. So – not sure if you’d want to talk to us about open roles (we do have a few that you might be a good fit for), but if you are – let me know and we can get something scheduled. Even if you’re not interested in working with us, hope you have good luck in your search.”

Okay, I’ll bite. I replied to her with an apology of my own, saying that I’m more than willing to “wipe the slate clean.” I also said I don’t currently see any openings posted that match my background but I’d be open to hearing about these other openings she mentioned. Here’s the wonderful response I received:

“I will definitely keep you in mind for future opportunities.”

So, we’ve gone from “we do have a few that you might be a good fit for” to the standard “don’t call us, we’ll call you” line. Whatever.

PART 2

I applied for a senior graphic design position with their Lexia Learning division in October 2016. I received their rejection email on December 25. Merry Christmas to you, too, Rosetta Stone. 

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SapientNitro

Four ignored applications in one twelve-month period. Enough said about this place.

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Schneider Electric

I applied for a designer job here in December 2014. I’m just going to share the interview “review” I left on Glassdoor.

Not that it matters anymore, but after this encounter I swore to never ever again send my personal confidential files to some stranger hiding behind HR in the hopes of being worthy of a real interview, only to be ignored and dismissed.

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Saudi Aramco via Training Pros

In March 2014, I applied for a design position with the recruitment agency Training Pros. They sent me a listing for a different job, asking if I’d be interested. This job was located in Saudi Arabia, paid a very good salary and offered free everything from housing to transportation to food allowance. It took a little bit of time for me to get used to the idea of going to a crazy place like Saudi Arabia, but, as I was facing zero prospects in America, I decided to go for it. However, as I have three cats (not to mention my condo) I could not do this without the help and support of my mother (she had recently sold our old house in Pittsburgh and moved to RI to be near me). Well, she reacted just as I expected, freaking out like a mother would about her daughter moving to Saudi Arabia for a year (if not more). 

Over the next few days, she spoke to her relatives in Australia who worked for the very same company (Saudi Aramco) in the same location, and they reassured her, “you don’t even know you’re there! It feels just like America!” So, she agreed to support me in this endeavor and take care of my cats and look after my place while I’m gone. I then contacted the recruiter to tell her I was on board with this job. She forwarded my contact information to her colleague who was responsible for this role, and we had a long detailed phone call/interview. I sent him loads of samples, which he said he was going to pass along to the company.

And I never heard from him again.

I emailed him one or two weeks later asking for an update. No response. A second email again went completely ignored. I finally emailed the woman who initially set this whole thing up who said “it looks like the project has been put on hold.”

I am still amazed and shocked at just how rotten some people can be in this new economy. That both my family and I were put through the proverbial “emotional ringer” for nothing and then were left hanging…I remain at a loss for words.

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Siemens

I lost track of how many of my applications to this place have gone ignored, including those via recruiters who thought I was "the perfect candidate." I'd laugh whenever I would get this now-standard email (this one is from September 2014):

And here's a version from November 2014 -- hey, at least they attempt to make it "look" different with the formatting:

Fast forward to June 2015 when I began receiving this nonsense in my mail folder again. Fed up, I went to the Siemens “Contact Us” page and sent them a message demanding that they tell all their recruitment agencies to remove my name from their list. I received a reply from their “Manager of Talent Acquisition” asking for further information so he could better understand the situation. Here’s what I said to him:

I have attached a PDF of the few emails I still have (only five, which includes the latest -- I had deleted all the rest). I had applied to many of these in the beginning (note the one where I included my response to the recruiter at APN, pointing out I was already submitted once so why bother again), and not once did I earn even a simple telephone screening from whoever was in charge of hiring. In a subsequent phone conversation the recruiter admitted to being equally baffled as to why Siemens showed zero interest in my application (I recall one of the requirements of that job was knowledge of 3D video, and I am proficient in 3D modeling/animation). I find these emails to be not just a nuisance, but downright cruel. It was during this period that I fell out of the American middle class, eventually losing my home and having to move into my mother’s basement. Needless to say, receiving this latest email hit a nerve. I am preparing to move to China in an attempt to rebuild my career and my life, and the last thing I want is to be reminded of how I was treated as an unemployed job seeker over the past few years. If there is any way to communicate to your recruitment network to stop sending me these emails, then perhaps I can finally put these dark years behind me and move on once and for all.

His response:

All I can say are that these are from third parties. We have a national contract with Ranstad for all contract labor in the U.S. they undoubtedly sub contract with 100’s of other agencies.  So for these roles we would open a requisition with Ranstad and they will send it out to their network for submittals. How or if Ranstad prescreens before sending to us I do not know.  I do not have access to see who or what would have been submitted to us from them but in many cases it could be a good number of profiles. I have recruited directly for the Norwood site and manage a good deal of our full time hiring across the U.S. and I know in the Boston market there are a large number of qualified graphic designers including many with direct experience in medical instrumentation and devices. So I know the manager is receiving numerous submissions.  In my career I have also worked on the agency side both contract and perm and I know it can be a frustrating business.  My suggestion is you send the recruiting firms a note to remove you from their data bases and remove yourself any notifications you may have set up on job search sites etc.  If you would like to talk further I would be willing to provide some additional guidance.

So, basically, this guy in charge of recruitment has NO CLUE who’s recruiting for his company. Isn't that just swell? And, if “there are a large number of qualified graphic designers including many with direct experience in medical instrumentation and devices,” then why the need to advertise or use a recruiter at all? Shouldn't these people be in their network to contact whenever the need arises? You know, that network we're always hearing about that's soooooooo important to have? Oh, right, because there is no networking in the decrepit state of Stinkassachusetts.

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SimpleTuition

This experience was when I first realized there was something very strange going on with the job market. In May 2013, I applied for a Lead Graphic Designer job they advertised. Of course, I never received any response (not even a rejection email). Three months later, on August 8, they posted the same job. Again, I applied. Again, I was ignored.

Two weeks later, on August 21, I received an email from a recruiter (I should make this a drinking game, take a swig of vodka every time I mention “recruiter”): "I noticed your resume on Monster.com and wanted to get in touch. I’m working on a full-time Lead Graphic Designer role in Downtown Boston. Your background seems like a good match. Below is a job description..."

I didn’t recognize the job description, so we scheduled a call, during which time he revealed the company was SimpleTuition. I confessed that I already applied for this job twice but they did not show an interest in me. To say that he was shocked and a wee bit embarrassed is an understatement. "Really???? But I think you’d be perfect!" This made me giggle. Because I had already applied, he could not submit me for the job, and we ended the call.

Two months later, on October 7, I received an email from another recruiter from the same agency, "I want to follow up on my voicemail from today. I am working on a full-time Lead Graphic Designer role in Boston. After reviewing your resume online, I think you could be a fit.”

I immediately recognized the job and responded with "Thank you for contacting me. Unfortunately, I recognize this job description as being from SimpleTuition; I applied for this when they listed it on LinkedIn back on August 8, but they weren’t interested (I’m guessing they think I’m too old for the job)."

I didn’t even receive a response this time (guess he didn’t know what to say about the age thing, hee hee). I swore that the next time they posted this job that I was going to send a letter to the HR department demanding that they warn their recruiters to NOT contact me since I am so vastly unqualified for the job (hey, only 17 years of experience, SMH).

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SimpliVity

The point where I realized it was way past time for me to get the hell out of the disgusting state of Stinkassachusetts was reached in April 2014 when I saw “the perfect job” posted by Simplivity. I spent half an hour crafting my cover letter (making sure it had every relevant keyword) and applied via their Jobvite application. This was a Tuesday night at 9:00. At 10:00 am the next morning I received the rejection email. After getting over the shock, I checked two things: the tracking stats for my online portfolio, and my LinkedIn page; I had provided both of these links in my cover letter – when you’re hiring a designer, reviewing their portfolio is more important than the resume; my LinkedIn page was also relevant here as it has some nice recommendations written about my design skills. Well, neither my portfolio nor my LinkedIn page had A SINGLE VISITOR.

The job reappeared on the job boards three months later...then again in August...then again in early September...and again on September 22...and then again one week later. It then began to appear again in late 2015. 

Pathetic.

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T. Rowe Price

Here’s the message I sent to them via Facebook in January 2016:

On August 13, I applied for the Senior Graphic Designer position you advertised on your website (#07422). Three weeks later, I received your rejection email. I have 17 years of design experience, meeting every single requirement listed in the job description, yet I wasn’t even worthy of a telephone screening. I found this quite baffling. I now see that you have just reposted the identical job (only with a different identification number, #08124). Rather than waste my time applying again, I thought I’d reach out to ask exactly what the true “qualifications” are for this position. Clearly, you rejected me for something not mentioned in the job description (like the applicant’s age). If you rejected me because I am in another state, I’d like to inform you that an American citizen does *not* need a special work permit to be eligible for work in another state. You don’t even need a passport. I have taken screenshots of both job postings and look forward to publicly mocking you via social media, which includes sharing this with Nick “Ask the Headhunter” Corcodilos. Also, be aware that the FTC has opened an investigation into companies like yours who use ATSs to discriminate against job applicants (I have sent them my story with the aforementioned screenshots). Companies like yours make America look very bad.

I’d like to point out that jobs posted on LinkedIn show the number of applicants at the bottom of the page. And, every job for which I’ve applied via LinkedIn these past few years has almost always had over one hundred applicants. It is a fact that competition for design jobs is fierce, and designers are a dime a dozen. Which is why there is no excuse for a company to need to re-advertise the same design job over and over.

Here’s the lame and useless email I received from their HR twat:

My name is [x] and I manage Talent Acquisition for T. Rowe Price. I want to acknowledge your private message from January 7, 2016 via Facebook which was forwarded to me for review. I appreciate you bringing your concern to our attention and apologize that you were not satisfied with your experience applying for the Senior Graphic Designer position we had posted. I want to assure you that we always evaluate candidates based on their experience and qualifications, and that we have long been dedicated to a policy of equal employment opportunity and committed to providing a workplace that is free of all forms of discrimination. Once again, thank you for bringing your concerns to our attention.

All I can say here is, what a bunch of crap.

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TimeTrade

Twenty years ago, the title of “manager” generally evoked a great deal of respect, at least from me it did…someone who had worked their way up to a “manager” more often than not had their act together, knew their stuff, and did a good job. Fast forward to today…in case you haven’t noticed, the qualifications to be a manager now are to (1) be under the age of 30 and (2) have a hot supermodel-type photo on your LinkedIn profile. And that’s pretty much it. Now when I hear the word “manager,” I laugh.

I applied for a design job they advertised back in July 2014. I received an email from their HR rep telling me the marketing manager would like to schedule a phone interview with me. She included a link to a webpage to schedule this call. I picked Friday at 10am. After scheduling the call, I found out I needed to leave my house at 10:30, but didn’t think this would be an issue as no telephone screening I’ve had has ever lasted more than 15 minutes.

Friday at 10am arrives and I'm waiting for the marketing manager's phone call...and waiting...and waiting. At 10:15 I sent her an email saying I've got another appointment to run to, do we need to reschedule...? She finally replies at 10:30 with "sorry I was stuck in another meeting."

I really don't know why this sort of behavior still surprises me...seriously, she didn't have the common sense or decency to send me an email a little sooner as soon as she saw she wasn't going to make our 10am call? Everyone has their mobile device with them in meetings these days for just such a reason so there's NO excuse for this.

But, I took a deep breath and accepted her offer to reschedule the call, which we had the following Monday. She only had one question for me, "How long have you been using Photoshop?" What a dumb question. I said I've been using it since v4 back in the mid 1990s. Since she didn't know what else to ask me, I shared my observations about how to improve their website which was at that time marked by some useless generic stock photography that does not convey anything, and that rather than spotlighting their big client story (Staples) they've buried it down at the bottom of the page, and there isn't even a link to a page or whitepaper about it. After the call, I spent a little time creating a custom 3D animation just to show them a quick idea of what can be done with their brand (silly me, trying to be proactive here!). I attached this to my thank-you email which I sent the next day. I received NO response to this. The next day I sent a follow-up email just to confirm she had received the previous one, because sometimes "odd" attachments can trigger removal by corporate antivirus programs. That's all I asked for, did you get that email...? And, again, NO response.

Two weeks later I received a generic rejection email from her.

I replied back, "I think this is for the best. You were very rude and unprofessional when you kept me waiting for our phone call, and you couldn't even acknowledge receiving the file I emailed you." She shot back, "Thank you for proving I made the right decision in not adding you to my team!" 

I find it overwhelmingly disturbing that this unprofessional inexperienced girl (she was no older than 25 at the time according to LinkedIn) not only enjoys having a job – with the title of manager, no less -- while so many smart talented people don't, but also that her job is to decide who gets hired in this world.

I sent a nasty letter to their CEO. I received no reply, but they did snoop on my LinkedIn profile (why do this, I just can’t understand, the time to review my background is long past). Clearly this is just another example of Stinkassachusetts trying so hard to emulate SillyCon Valley, just hire a bunch of twentydumbthings to get things done (funny, I don't see anyone under the age of 30 on their Management or Board of Directors page). Good luck with that. 

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Tufts University

Tufts advertised for a graphic designer in October 2014. Here's what I encountered in their online application:

Let's see...I'm unemployed, plus I had to have some surgery. Do you want details of the surgery, which was to remove two fibroid tumors that were pushing on my bladder causing me painful frequent urination? Should I include the size in centimeters of those tumors (8cm and 5cm)? Should I include the frequency of my peeing? Do you want the pictures of the surgery (which I have)? 

I will paste what I already said about this invasiveness from another post. If there’s a “gap” on my resume, it means I did something that is of no relevance to my career or to the job for which I am applying. And what I did during that gap is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. I really would like to know where people come off thinking they can be this intrusive into our lives in this age. If I chose to take a year off for whatever reason, be it to climb Mt. Everest or to take care of a sick parent or learn how to fucking play chess, that’s MY business and NOT YOURS. I do not exist on this planet exclusively to fulfill a line item work history entry on a corporate ATS. Deal with it. And, if all you care about is the one year I didn’t work versus the twenty years that I did work, then you can go fuck yourself right off a cliff.

I sent a little email to their EEOC office. Of course, I received no response. I don't know why I expected an institute of higher learning to be any less sleazy than corporate America. I really don't.

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Transamerica

This experience was probably the cruelest joke played on me by the American job market as of yet.

In April 2016, they advertised for a presentation designer located in their Baltimore office. I applied, had a flawless phone screening with their recruiter, and then another phone screening with the hiring manager who loved everything I showed her and asked if I can fly down and meet the team, which I did. They paid for my flight, but I incurred parking and taxi fees which I was willing to cover since I foolishly thought I'd be getting a job out of this (I mean, this must be a real job for them to be spending $$$ to fly me down, right? RIGHT?

The meeting went flawlessly, and the following week the recruiter called me to ask for my references “ASAP” and said that I should “expect an offer by the end of the week.” I thought to myself, wow, my long nightmare is finally over, I'll be escaping Stinkassachusetts and starting a new life for myself in a new city. I began hunting for an apartment online, and quit my ESL tutoring gig, as I told the recruiter I could start within a few weeks.

They checked my references, and I even sent a printout of my LinkedIn recommendations. And then I waited.

A week passed...and then another.

I never heard from them again. 

I eventually sent the CEO a letter about this experience, saying “if you treated your customers the way you treated me, you’d be out of business,” which prompted a call from someone in "talent acquisition" who apologized and confessed that after my references were checked “the team decided to move in a different direction and not fill the role.” In other words, the job was a fake job.

It continues to astonish me just how such horrible human beings came into existence, let alone got put in charge of hiring. (They did eventually reimburse me for the parking and taxi expenses I incurred.)