Archive of stupid from A to Z, Part 6

UBS

I applied for this design job on August 7, 2015. This was before it had amassed 187 applicants. I received no response.

On October 12, they advertised the exact same job again. This time, it received 45 applicants. I couldn’t resist sending them a little note in lieu of a resume:

I am responding to your latest advertisement for a Senior Designer. I previously applied for this same position on August 7 (link). You showed no interest in my candidacy. (It’s funny that UBS was one of my clients a few years back; I’ve included images of this work on the next few pages).

The original job posting indicates you received 187 applicants, including myself. I have trouble believing that you could not find one qualified designer out of this group. Hence, I am going to conclude that this job either had some hidden qualifications (for example, did you disqualify anyone over the age of 30?) or that this job is not real at all but, in fact, a fake job posting. 

I have an appointment to speak with a freelance journalist tomorrow about America’s broken hiring system, and I am going to share this fine example with her. Meanwhile, I have warned my LinkedIn network to ignore this job advertisement, and I recommend you be a little more careful with posting fake jobs, as the American workforce is getting wise to this behavior. Don’t be surprised if, one day, you post a job and nobody applies.

I received the most mind-blowingly stupid reply from the recruiter: "Hope this note finds you well. I am reaching out as I received your application and cover letter for the Senior Designer role. There was no resume attached so I figured I would send a note. Please let me know when you are free to speak and what number I can reach you on."

Ummmmm, rrrrrrriiiiiight, because (1) I am NOT interested in applying for this job for a second time, and (2) you already have my resume from August. Initially I thought we were just dealing with a fake job, but I’m starting to wonder if it isn’t just a case of severe incompetence. I mean, this is a seriously terrible display of stupid. And, no, I did not bother replying because I absolutely refuse to play whatever screwy game this company is playing with applicants. It's like an abusive relationship, where the only way to stop the abuse is to walk away from the relationship.

__________________________

VCE

Part 1

In June 2012 I responded to a design job advertised through Randstad. The recruiter contacted me, said I looked like the perfect candidate, and told me the client, VCE, is requiring that candidates complete a "design test." At this stage I had not yet become jaded and cynical about the American job market and actually thought this was a stepping stone to an interview and then being hired. I now know this is just their way of getting free work. He sent me the "test" which consisted of an existing graphic and some very vague directions. Design does not consist of trying to guess or read people's minds, it requires a good deal of back-and-forth communication (questions/answers). Here is the email I sent to the recruiter:

  

I'm having a problem here because they've done a very poor job of explaining the existing graphic, and the two sentences preceding it tell me nothing about what this graphic is trying to convey. For instance...

•      I know the first sentence says the blocks are interrelated, but a hierarchy being depicted as well? or are the three components all on the same level?

•      Do the colors mean anything? Because the outer Security and Compliance level is the same color as the Tenant Mgt and Service Assurance boxes...

•      What is being conveyed with the Service Assurance box overlaying the aqua and purple boxes? Is it somehow being "protected" by the aqua and purple? or does it share resources with them?

•      Why is the Tenant Mgt box aligned to the bottom of the green box? Does it interact with the aqua box below it in some way?

He responded back with, "Nope, sorry, you can't ask questions!" So, I did my best to guess what the heck they wanted and sent it off. Never heard from him again.

Part 2

Here’s an even more awesome story, going back to December 2013 when they advertised a PPT/presentation design job. I applied directly (I had completely forgotten about what had happened in June 2012) and immediately was contacted by their recruiter. We had a phone interview which went well and I sent her loads of PPT samples to forward to the hiring manager. She emailed back the next day, “Good news the Hiring Manager would like to meet you in person next Thursday the 19th, are you available? Please call me when you get this email. Congratulations on the next step!” We arranged a day/time, and she confirmed in a final email along with the following little note, “Please visit www.vce.com to learn more about our company and be prepared! Also I believe it is always great to have a few questions for the manager!” Okay, that was a bit condescending/offensive, but whatever...

I won’t bother explaining what happened on the “interview” (which, once again, was nearly a ninety-minute drive each way from my home) but instead I’ll just share the email I sent to the recruiter a few weeks later with my observations (of course, I never received a response):

As you may recall, I interviewed for this position back on 12/19. Before I put this in the past and move on I wanted to share a few observations.

The presentation design samples I provided via the download link were essential to the interview being successful. Imagine my shock when I referenced them and Mr. [Name]’s response was, "No, sorry, I didn't get a chance to look at those." In addition to not looking at any of my work, he did not bring any samples of the work being produced -- neither via a laptop or mobile device, nor simple printouts. I realize now that at this point I should have ended the interview and walked out.

The meeting with Ms. [Name] went in an identical fashion. When I asked if she looked at the samples I provided, she said, "No, sorry, I didn't get a chance to look at those." She also admitted that she did not even bother to look at my online portfolio. She then attempted to describe and sketch a slide design that was done, which again made me wonder why she did not bring a printout of this.

When Mr. [Name] returned for a wrap-up, he asked if I'm capable of working with senior-level executives (a rather offensive question). I responded that if he would take the time to visit my LinkedIn profile he'd see many recommendations from senior VPs from Fidelity Investments, including one very strong review.

He then asked me if I have any questions, to which I explained that he really hasn't shown me anything relevant and he hasn't looked at my material, hence asking questions is rather impossible at this point. He suggested I look at the VCE website, and I responded that I did indeed look throughout the site for a sample presentation but could only find whitepapers. He said, "Yeah, there's nothing there, I'll see if I can find a few samples to send you."

Of course, I never received any samples and my LinkedIn profile has not received any new views.

In summary, this "interview" was a complete waste of time, based on the incredible amount of disinterest these two people exhibited in learning about my background. Interviewing is a two-way street. Just as it is my responsibility to learn about the company and ask questions (which I did), it is the responsibility of the hiring party to do their own research into the candidate, which in this case would have included reviewing the sample files I provided and my online portfolio. The fact that these two people did nothing beyond reading my resume tells me that either (a) the job never existed, (b) they had already chosen a candidate and this interview was just done to satisfy a quota, or (c) they just don't care about finding the best candidate.

If the answer is (a) or (b), you may want to be a bit more careful in the future, as not everyone is as forgiving as I am about having a morning and several gallons of gas wasted. If it's (c), then this corporation has certainly earned its bad reviews on Glassdoor...

In regards to the Glassdoor reference, their rating at the time was a dismal 1.7 with one negative comment after another. It has since skyrocketed to 3.4; this observation is shared by the negative reviewers who comment that the company is goading employees to post fake glowing reviews. 

__________________________

Waters Corporation

Another fine example of recruitment failure in the 21st century...they advertised for a graphic designer and I applied directly on their website. One week later the job appeared on Creative Hotlist (it also appeared on LinkedIn -- gee, did they not get bombarded with enough resumes by now?). I went ahead and applied again on Creative Hotlist, hoping to get someone to actually view my resume. Here’s the “helpful” email I received in response:

Translation: “Here’s a link, now quit bothering me and go away.”

Okay. Let me try just one more time to get this guy's attention. I emailed back, thanking him for his response, and further stating that I worked on many presentations for Waters while at my previous employer (a design agency) some years back, of whom Waters was a client.

I received no response to that email. But I did receive their rejection email two weeks later.

Is this seriously what passes for “recruiting” these days? I remember 20 years ago when a hiring professional would actually do their job and take the time to learn about a candidate to determine if they would be a good match for an opening; saying that one has worked with the hiring company in the past would have automatically generated some level of interest. According to the LinkedIn posting, they received 65 applicants from that source alone (who knows how many applied via Creative Hotlist). How many of those 65 applicants could say they worked on Waters design projects in the past as I have? Instead, this recruiter couldn't even be bothered to see if I had already submitted an application. Pathetic. 

__________________________

Watts Water Technologies

They advertised a senior graphic designer position in November 2016. This job had a lot of requirements and a list of "nice to haves" that included Articulate Storyline (I met *all* of these requirements). I heard nothing until three months later (February 2017) when they contacted me and scheduled me for a telephone screening. The call, like most telephone screenings, was brief, bland, and unenlightening. I asked some design questions about their website (which looked seriously dated), she said there were "plans" to redo it, along with a long list of other projects that were "planned." The call ended with her saying the next step would be an in-person interview. I never heard from them again (didn't even get a rejection email). Ten months later, in December 2017, they advertised the exact same job again. I still find it rather bizarre that I didn't "qualify" for the in-person interview considering that I met every qualification including the more obscure "nice to haves." When a person with twenty years of direct experience doesn't "qualify" for a real interview, then you know there's something else going on.

__________________________

Wealth Management Systems, Inc. (WMSI)

I applied for a graphic designer job here in May 2014 and was quite surprised to be invited in for an interview. As there was no initial pointless telephone screening, I had high hopes that this would be a positive experience. I came in and met with the woman in charge of hiring for the role, and she explained what this company does, i.e., financial software, so it’s more based in the tech sector rather than financial. I took the chance to explain that in my recent contract with Fidelity I was in the IT/technical arena (as opposed to financial), thinking this would be a very good parallel to point out. She immediately cut me off, and with a harsh firm voice began to lecture me, saying, “I need to be clear that this is a *conceptual* design role and if you’re not comfortable with that then this is not going to be a good match.” And I thought, WTF? What does this even have to do with what I just said? Why is she getting nasty with me? As I look back on this, it’s pretty clear she just didn’t like me from the start (was I too old?) and wanted to find an easy exit to this interview.

I then met with some guy who (a) was not very friendly, (b) didn’t seem interested at all, and (c) was downright rude to me when I said I’d love to see a demo of their software – he annoyingly responded with “what do you mean? It’s right there on our website.” Um, no, dude, it’s not, but whatever. Then, of course, he had to ask the all-important question of what are my salary requirements.

The whole thing finally ended, I sent my thank-you emails but knew I wouldn’t be hearing back from them. And, as is now standard in American hiring, I did not even receive a rejection email.

__________________________

Wolters Kluwer

In July 2013 I applied for a design position here and was granted a phone interview with the creative services manager. Two things stand out about my encounter with this man. The first red flag that this guy was no good was when he asked me to provide an explanation as to why I applied for the job. Seriously, this is a dumb question to ask a job applicant. When your toilet backs up and the plumber you called arrives, do you stop him at the door and say, "Before you enter my house, I want you to tell me why you want to fix my toilet"...?

I answered that I’ve been on contract jobs for quite some time and want to find a permanent job. His response was to ask me, “Why is that?”

WHY IS THAT? What kind of stupid question is that? Why do I want a job? Are you kidding me? I still often wonder what would have been the CORRECT response to this massively stupid question. 

The second red flag was when I attempted to sell myself based on my portfolio, as there were a few specific pieces I was going to explain. When I asked “did you view my portfolio” (never expecting a “no” answer), he replied, “uh, no, actually, I didn’t.”

I should’ve just hung up the phone right there.

__________________________

Zerto via Tandem Recruiting Group

Here's yet another fine example of what I've encountered with every single "recruitment agency" I've had to deal with these past two years. In July 2014 I applied for a design job that was advertised through Tandem Recruiting Group. The client was Zerto. I chatted with the recruiter on the phone, and she picked up on my “negative energy” (as I was well past the point where I knew my career was over, my house had been sold and I was packing up my life into boxes whilst completing my TEFL certificate…I suppose the only reason I applied was because I foolishly held out a slight glimmer of hope that my career and my life in America could be revived). She went into lecture mode with me saying that I’m not getting hired because of my “bad attitude.” I snapped that I am not getting enough interviews in order for any attitude to be conveyed, so her “observation” is invalid. She said, “Well, I am going to work on that! I’m going to get you this interview!” One week later, she called me to excitedly tell me that my resume is in front of the person in charge of filling this role, but that person is going on vacation. So, just be patient! And I never heard another word from her.

On September 15, two months later, I saw a design job posted on Indeed (why do I continue applying? as a joke, I guess). I did not recognize the description nor the recruitment firm (at this point, they all look the same), so I applied. It turned out to be this same recruitment agency, and this same job. The same recruiter as before (the one who made that grand promise of an interview and then went AWOL) emailed me immediately, “They went thru a round of interviews and they are opening it up again. I sent in your resume again and will get back to you as soon as I hear from them.” 

Now, wait a minute...they already have my resume. Why does she need to send it in again? And they couldn’t possibly be THAT anxious to fill this role, as they’ve been dilly-dallying since July. Furthermore, I was disqualified from even having an interview during that first round (even though I certainly am qualified for the job, clearly they were disqualifying based on other factors), and apparently nobody passed the interview test...so, just who or what ARE they looking for?

I emailed back, “My apologies, I did not recognize that this was the same position I had previously applied for. Please disregard my email.” The next day, I received another email, “Can you please provide your portfolio information so that I can send it along to Zerto. The new Marketing Director wants to see it and hopefully will want to speak with you ASAP! I know she is anxious to hire for this role immediately.” Oh, brother. Never mind that she ignored my request to disregard my email, but my portfolio link is right there at the top of my bleeping resume!!! But, hold on here, didn’t they already look at my portfolio, which led to my being rejected the first time around? Are you saying that this crucial piece of my background was never reviewed to begin with?

How stupid are these people?

I replied to the email with the link, and never heard from her again.

It's a good thing I'm leaving, because things are going to get a lot worse in this country before they get better.