Archive of stupid from A to Z, Part 4

Liberty Mutual

Of all the companies I've written about here, this one by far disgusts me the most. I have applied for no less than a dozen jobs with this company over the past three years. The first time was back in June 2013 when I applied for a presentation designer job posted through an agency (I didn't know the client was LM). Because my experience and background were a 100% fit for the job, the recruiter immediately contacted me. She explained that they’ve been “struggling” to fill this job because they need someone who is not only knows how to use PPT but who also has a strong design background. She said she’d submit me and said I should hear from her no later than the next day. FIVE days later, I had not heard back, so I emailed her. Here’s her response: “I am sorry it took me a couple days to get back to you, but I just heard from my account manager that the position is closed. I would assume that they did not move forward because of your strong graphic design background.”

????????

Following this incident, I continued to be contacted by recruiters hired to fill similar jobs at LM, all of them thinking I’m perfect for their opening but, for some odd reason, LM never agreed with them —and the recruiter was never able to give me one single word of legitimate feedback as to why I was rejected. I also routinely apply to design jobs they almost always are trying to fill, with no luck whatsoever. I wonder…could it be my age? Or, am I on their blacklist?

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Massachusetts Medical Society

My experience with this place demonstrates that rude unprofessional behavior is not exclusive to the twentysomething twits who have been the focus of my criticism, as the team I met with in this case appeared to be at least my age group; the art director even had silver hair. I applied in July 2013 and HR invited me for an interview. I first met with the HR rep, followed by two women (the aforementioned art director and a second woman whose title now escapes me).

Time for me to dish out a little more advice to those tasked with interviewing candidates. If you are incapable of behaving like a professional civilized human being during an interview, then please keep your mouth shut and stay quiet for the duration of the meeting. And, if you truly cannot do this, then excuse yourself from the room.

I believe I can pinpoint exactly where this interview went sour and the art director could no longer mask her contempt for me. It was when I confessed my shame in not owning a Mac -- blasphemy! From that point on, she did not hold back her disdain at all for me. She even went so far as to insult my work. Which begs the question, if you hate the material in my portfolio, why did you bring me in for an interview? Because this is the same material on my website which you were supposed to have reviewed before inviting me for an interview. If the only reason they invited me was to insult me to my face, well, I'm clearly dealing with some sick people here.

I did the usual expected post-interview due diligence dance of sending thank-you emails to all three parties mentioned above. I received no response from any of them, not even from the HR rep who couldn't even be bothered to send me a formal rejection email. 

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Mathworks

Throughout 2013 I applied four times to this place for design jobs they were always advertising. The last time, after completing their online application, I returned half an hour later just to make sure I given the correct information in one of the fields…I logged in and went to the "My Jobs" page, which had a table that included a column for "Status." The status here already said rejected. Wow. 30 minutes to reject me, huh? I emailed them asking them to completely delete me from their system, which they happily did. I still see them advertising for designers. Too bad they aren’t half as good at finding designers as they are at rejecting them.

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MetLife via CM Access

In April 2014, a design position was being advertised through a bunch of recruitment companies. One of those, CM Access, contacted me (I was already in their database), told me it was with MetLife, and submitted my resume. Of course, I never heard back.

That August, I received an email from the same recruiter for an almost identical job asking me if I would be interested. I replied back only to remind him “you submitted me for this back on April 15, and I never heard back.” He replied that everyone they submitted to MetLife was rejected.

Not one candidate was worthy of even an interview, huh? Or, do I dare guess that this job was a FAKE then and a FAKE now?

I said, sure, go ahead and submit me. Never heard back.

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MIT Lincoln Lab

I applied many, many times for various designer/artist jobs they routinely advertised over the years. In July 2013 I received an email from their HR rep to actually schedule an interview. To say I was over the moon with joy would be an understatement. But, imagine my shock and disappointment when several days before the interview she emails me this little note: “The needs of the department have changed and we will not be scheduling an interview at this time.” What a rotten thing to do! In addition to just being mean, it makes them look fairly incompetent as well. But I continued to apply every time they posted a design job.

Finally, in March 2014 I got a “real” interview that they did NOT eventually cancel. This interview went as flawlessly as any interview could have gone (lasting nearly two hours). But, at the end, the hiring manager let this little tidbit of info slip when I asked when they planned to make a decision: “We’re only interviewing a few more people, one is an internal candidate..."

Internal candidate. Well, that ends that (because when does the internal candidate not get the job?). Sure enough, I got the rejection email a month later.

Then, in June, they posted an identical job via a recruiting agency. You can still see this for yourself right here.

I count no less than 53 bullet points (I’ve got all 53 qualifications, but does that matter? Of course not!). Oh, and they are demanding you take a little “design test” as well, which you are supposed to do completely on the blind with no opportunity to ask questions (which are always essential in order for any design project to be successfully completed).

But the hilarity doesn’t end there. They re-posted this job on LinkedIn just a month later. According to the LinkedIn “statistic” (now gone), they received over 50 applicants. So, out of 50+ people, they still can’t find even one qualified candidate? Maybe this job needs more bullet points, because clearly 53 ain’t enough!

If this is not the finest example of “pathetic” then I don’t know what is.

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NetCracker

Of all the rejections I’ve received these past few years (1,000+), this one hurt the most. In August 2013 I applied for a designer job and was contacted by their hiring rep. The call seemed to go well, although one of the things that I felt I needed to bring up was the fact that I am not a programmer, as the job description said "must have good understanding of current web technologies (HTML, CSS, JavaScript)." I said, "I can do HTML/CSS just fine, but not the more advanced JavaScript/JQuery/PHP..." He said that’s not a problem because this is not a programming job. I was scheduled for an interview with the woman in charge of hiring for the job, and I thought the one-hour meeting went flawlessly. She asked me for my opinion of their website; I cautiously gave my thoughts (remember, you're not supposed to say anything negative during an interview), and she enthusiastically exclaimed YES to everything I pointed out as needing improvement. As I left the building, I foolishly thought for a brief second that maybe this is the company I’ve been waiting for. Imagine my shock and disappointment when I received the rejection email from the hiring rep one week later. It wasn’t so much the rejection per se, but what they used to disqualify me – “we have decided to pursue someone with more technical skills, like HTML/CSS…” Um, did this guy just not listen to what I had said in our call – that I can do HTML/CSS just fine and that it was the more advanced JavaScript that I don’t have??? Or did he just make that up for lack of better imagination?

When that rejection email came through, my mom was staying with me (she had sold our old house in Pittsburgh and moved up here to be near me, neither of us knowing what was eventually going to happen). I had to quietly sneak outside onto my deck where I broke down and cried. 

This job showed up again in June 2014 (with no modification to the description)...and again two months later...meaning the job was completely fake from the start. And that makes me sad.

EDIT, 04/07/17: I continue to see this job appear every six months or so. Here it is again, just posted today...*sigh*

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Newmark Grubb Knight Frank

They advertised a design job directly on LinkedIn on January 5, 2016,receiving 132 applicants (I foolishly applied and was promptly ignored).

The same job was advertised again – as a new job – on February 11, when it received 114 applicants (no, I didn’t bother applying). That makes 246 total applicants at this point.

On March 13, it appeared for a THIRD time, receiving 120 applicants. We’re up to 366 now.

And here it is again on May 9, with a mere 57 applicants (perhaps people are wising up to this scam).

After the 02/11 appearance, I decided to send them an old-fashioned complaint letter via their Facebook page. I came right out and asked just what kind of game are they playing here, listing all the links and offering a few choice words, “Is your ‘Recruiting Coordinator,’ Banesa Vasquez, so incompetent that out of 246 applicants she couldn’t find even one qualified designer in all this time, particularly in a city where designers are a dime a dozen? Word of advice: People are starting to take notice of companies posting fake jobs, like this one. I strongly suggest you get your act together. Not only do you look very bad here, but you make America look bad.”

No response received. 

After the 05/09 appearance, I sent an email to both of their "public relations" contacts (found on their website). I repeated the details from the Facebook message, pointed out how disingenuous they appear here, and, “Do you keep re-advertising it because you get a federal tax break for being a 'job creator' (despite the job being fake)? Or, are you just trying to fool your competitors into thinking you're expanding? Or, are you soliciting applicants' personal information via their resumes for ulterior motives -- for example, using the company names obtained from their work histories as a source of potential sales leads? Or, is this just an astonishing case of incompetence?” I ended it with suggesting that they apologize to all 437 applicants who were duped into thinking they were applying for a real job.

No response received.

Finally, I wrote a letter to the CEO, Barry Gosin, via snail mail with signature confirmation: 

After being ignored by your recruiting representative, your Facebook administrator, and your public relations team, it is clear that your company simply does not respond to any digital communication, hence I am sending this letter via USPS. I have attached a copy of the email I sent to your public relations team in regards to the graphic designer job that you have been advertising ad nauseam on LinkedIn since January. I questioned why you continue to post this job even after you amassed several hundred applicants. I also pointed out that I send a similar message to your Facebook administrators and I received NO response. Not surprisingly, I received no response from your public relations team. You are quite obviously a company with no ethics. I am sending a copy of this letter along with the enclosures to the US Department of Justice’s Consumer Protection Branch in the hopes they will investigate this matter, as I am convinced you are harvesting applicants’ personal information for ulterior motives.

About a week after sending this, I received a phone call from some girl who could barely speak coherently. She said that they found an internal candidate for that job -- surprise! the job was COMPLETELY FAKE FROM THE START! -- and the only other design job they currently have open is in their New York office and would I be interested in hearing more about it. I told them I have no desire to do business with them. She said "well, whenever you see another job on our website you're more than happy to apply." More than happy to apply. Yep, that's what she said...unbelievable that they would put such an inexperienced kid in charge of damage control here. Good grief. I hung up the phone and sincerely hoped that this would put an end to the fake job postings (because I really do feel sorry for people who just aren't as aware as I am of what's going on). 

Boy, was I wrong. Almost immediately there was a virtual explosion of design/creative jobs with this shady company on StinkedIn (screenshot taken on 08/16/16), including one in Boston, *sigh*:

They sure showed me! "Nobody's gonna tell us we can't advertise fake jobs!"

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Northeastern University

I find it incredibly ironic that the school where I received my design education – and where I was warned by that first instructor that “when you turn 40 you can forget about finding work in this field” – has now ignored every application I have submitted in response to design jobs they have posted. Maybe someday I’ll laugh in amusement. I sent them a nice letter asking them to thank that instructor I had twenty years ago who warned my class about what would happen when we turned 40...never got a response. 

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Pegasystems

In April 2014 I received the following email from a recruiter…"I came across your resume and trust that your knowledge, skills and experience will be among our client’s most valuable assets. We are currently looking for a Sr. Graphic Designer with Pegasystems in Cambridge, MA. Please see job description below for this position. I strongly believe that you are a great fit for this job, so if you’re interested, you can reach me at..."

We went through the usual song and dance. He thinks my background is perfect but the salary was extremely low, especially for a senior designer (as with most jobs today, it paid a salary closer to what I was earning 14 years ago). I also thought it was odd that, for a senior designer, the years of work experience required in the job description was a mere “3 to 5 years,” which makes no sense. He said he’d submit me and try to get a slightly higher rate.

One week later I received an email from ANOTHER recruitment agency about the same job. So I emailed recruiter #1, "I wanted to follow up with you on the job below to find out what happened. I just got an email from another recruiter with the exact same job which reminded me about this. I’m assuming they rejected me so I’d like to get some feedback as to what was lacking in my background." I got a brief response saying he had not heard anything and will keep me informed.

Lo' and behold, what should appear in my Indeed job search before the end of the day but the same job posted publicly, so now they can enjoy being bombarded with thousands of resumes (rather than risk giving an old woman like me any consideration). Only now they’ve changed the “years of experience required” to something a bit more realistic (5 to 7 years).

Of course, I chose not to pursue it any further. Stupidity (or madness) is continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Ah, but the story doesn’t end there. Nearly two months later (end of June) I received an email from a THIRD recruiter for the SAME JOB. So, what we now know is that (a) this job has gone unfilled for nearly two months, and (b) the person in charge of hiring is an idiot. I emailed recruiter #1 asking what’s going on; all he could offer was, "the fact that you are being contacted by other recruiters and that this position is still open tells me one thing...The manager can’t make up their mind.”

Logic would dictate that if this person doesn’t know what he wants to hire, then he has no business being in charge of hiring. But we don’t live in a logical world anymore.

That September, I received an email from a fourth recruiter for the exact same job. Lather, rinse, repeat...

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Planet Green Search

I applied for a design job with this “staffing agency” in April 2016. I had previously sworn to NEVER respond to any job advertised through one of these sleazy “staffing agencies,” hence I have only myself to blame for the treatment I received. One week after applying, I received this half-assed-ly composed email: 

My response: “This is pathetic. Unless you can give me explicit legitimate feedback as to why, with my two decades of experience, I was not even worthy of so much as a telephone screening, I am going to conclude that either (1) you dismissed me based on my age, or (2) this 'job' is completely fake (and shame on me for breaking my own rule to never waste time with 'recruitment firms').”

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Planet Interactive

As I previously wrote, back in January 2015 I turned down a chance to teach English in Korea and accepted an offer from a CIO at Fidelity. Unfortunately, that CIO left the firm abruptly one month later, which left me unemployed come August. I later learned that he’s now a VP at Biogen. Fast forward to February 2016 when I applied for a PowerPoint specialist job advertised with some agency called Planet Interactive -- once again, I broke my rule of “don’t waste time with staffing agencies!” so I deserved the outcome. Some girl called me and told me the client is Biogen. Well, I said, that’s interesting and I proceeded to tell her how I know a certain VP there. I could probably even get him on the phone if need be. The next week she left me a voicemail, “Unfortunately, Biogen has decided to move in a different direction with the job. But I’ll keep you in mind for any other jobs that arise!” I really wish I had been able to answer her call because I’d really have let her have it. What the fuck does “move in a different direction” mean? Are they moving to the moon? What a load of garbage. I was very tempted to reach out to that VP about this, but he's probably a very busy man so I didn't. One of these days, I just might reach out to him about this...

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PWC / PriceWaterhouseCoopers

This company advertised 37 identical graphic design jobs on their website back in March 2014 (located nationwide, stating "location: flexible"):

I applied hoping I'd be considered for any of these 37 openings, stating clearly that I am ready to relocate nationwide at my own expense. Alas, I received a rejection email (and a very half-assed one at that, "the Location Flexible position here," one might get the impression that Ms. Wanamaker just doesn't give a shit). 

I decided to send them an old-fashioned letter via snail mail to their corporate headquarters asking what specifically were the qualifications they were looking for in a candidate that I somehow did not have (since I had all the bullet points listed in the requirements). Of course, I received no response. 

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The Princeton Review

I first applied for a design job here back in June 2013 (no response). The job reappeared in August 2014, and again I applied. The job appeared again on November 21...

So...what exactly is their definition of "just the right amount of sparkly" here? With what measurement can I gauge this? And "swagger?" WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? Seriously, who the hell came up with these requirements? And even if I had swagger, how would I determine whether it's too much swagger? too little? just the right amount (same as the sparkles and glitter requirement)? Needless to say, the keywords "sparkly" and "swagger" are not on my resume, hence I didn't even bother reapplying for a third time with this dumb Stinkassachusetts company.