Rejected Round-Up, Vol. II

Here are the latest thumb-twittling "gee, isn't it a shame" stories that I've stumbled across during this era of "full employment."

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55, unemployed and faking normal: One woman’s story of barely scraping by

I shared this one in my previous "round-up" entry, but it's been reappearing regularly across social media over the past few months prompted by a recent online interview she gave to PBS News Hour Making Sen$e with Paul Solman. Because her situation is so far from unique -- note the multiple advanced degrees (no, not in Basket Weaving or Modern Dance) -- and so frightening AND infuriating, I think it's worth sharing again for those who missed it the first time. Seems to me that if someone like her can't make anything happen in this screwy new economy (other than write a book about it), what hope is there for any of us?

I must also call out the excellent observation in the comments section about how "trickle down" really works:

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San Francisco 2.0

This documentary by Alexandra Pelosi is currently being shown on HBO , but you can find other ways to view it via a Google search.

Most share-worthy for me was at the 35:30 mark, "How did you go from a securities broker to homeless?"

Well, there was a recession, no one was hiring. I went through my unemployment benefits, cashed out my 401K, then I started working temp jobs. I know other people that are in my position that are college educated, that have lost everything...I'm 61, I've got two college degrees, I've got about 30 years' experience, working in the corporate world, and nobody wants somebody like me...I don't live in your world anymore. Things are completely different. What you take for granted doesn't exist in my world anymore. I think we're rapidly becoming something like Venezuela where there's very small ultra rich class and everybody else is poor and the middle class is shrinking. I think the American Dream is a load of crap. There is no American dream. It's a nightmare for most people.

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J.C. POCALYPSE

We are about to confront something that it is clear American politics is not capable of confronting: the possibility that we now have an economy of staggering size and wealth that cannot produce enough full-time jobs for the number of people in this country. We can't all make a living getting paid to Uber one another around, and there are only so many menial service industry jobs – making coffee, flipping burgers, etc. – to keep a limited number of people afloat. Structural changes to the economy that our political system refuses to do anything but encourage are going to force us to confront this unprecedented reality sooner rather than later. For years the standard palabrum for economic transition has been to tell the newly unemployed to learn some other skill and transfer to another section of the economy. What happens when there isn't one?

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There's something rather unsettling about people who seem quite content to be homeless...

There's No Place Like Home
...its race to the bottom with all of those 'free' to be their own boss in the "gig economy." (That is what their calling this return to the Industrial Revolution, yes?)

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I've met plenty of folks who have done what they had to do to survive in this strange new world...

Disabled or just desperate? Rural Americans turn to disability as jobs dry up

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I’m unemployed and ashamed. The idea that people don’t want to work is a ridiculous myth.

Wow, 28 years old and she's been looking for six whopping months...boo fuckin' hoo, come back for sympathy when you've been out five years and are considered way past shelf life, kid...

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Meanwhile, the future remains bright 'n' shiny for rich fucks (doesn't look like there will be any "steerage class" tickets offered for that trip)...

Faux jobs at Faux Designs of Newton, MA

I've been observing this giftware company advertise the same job on Indeed since Christmas 2015 which is when I first applied for this art production role...

Note the offensive "Be sure to include your salary requirement" line followed by "Note that we will ONLY consider applicants who supply the information requested." Really? Sorry, but I don't discuss salary in my cover letters, plus making such a demand is incredibly tacky. 

Now, it just so happens that I make and sell Christmas ornaments online (had my own URL for a while). One year I even managed to attract the attention of an ornament kit manufacturer who distributes through an online craft catalog; they commissioned me to create some designs for said catalog. 

I included this bit of information on my cover letter to these people, foolishly thinking this would lead to some interest: "In addition to my professional design background, I design and create my own line of holiday ornaments [I attached pictures of a few along with my resume]; I have sold a number of these designs to the Mary Maxim catalog who sells them as kits [I included the link here]. I believe this would make me an excellent candidate for a position working in giftware."

Of course, I heard nothing from this place; according to my tracking stats, they didn't even look at my portfolio. As of July 2016 they continue to advertise this same position ad nauseam on Indeed along with an almost identical senior graphic design position. Maybe they're standing firm and disqualifying every applicant who had more class than to bring up salary requirements...maybe this job is just fake (a "job" that is still unfilled after six months is not a real job). Whatever the case, how very sad, but also, how typical for a company located in Stinkassachusetts.

EDIT: Here it is again as of June 27, 2016. Note the extra inclusion now required, "A simple one-page writing sample describing your opinion about the latest innovation in social media along with links to 1-2 social networking profiles that you have worked on and/or developed. Please state your role." YES, if you're struggling to fill a role, add more requirements to shrink your pool of qualified applicants! Good grief. 

EDIT, 08/19/16: Here they are again, newly posted on Indeed, senior graphic designer, art production assistant...

EDIT, 10/10/16: And, here they are again, senior graphic designer, art production assistant...

EDIT, 10/28/16: And, again...

EDIT, 04/26/17: And, again...

EDIT, 08/08/17: And, again...

EDIT, 08/28/17: And, again...

EDIT, 10/02/17: And, again...

EDIT, 10/20/17: And, again...

EDIT, 12/29/17: And, again... 

Another check-in on that "full employment" claim...

I previously shared what I'm observing during this time of "full employment." Let's see if things have gotten even better since then. Here's a job that was posted on 04/19/17:

I continue to question the thought process of someone who would submit their resume knowing there have been 323 prior applicants (this job eventually surpassed 500 applicants, but I failed to grab a screenshot, and StinkedIn has now removed the # of applicants stat).

Fake job alert: Benchmark Senior Living

Benchmark Senior Living advertised for a Graphic Designer / Visual Storyteller several times from November to December 2016 -- I was unable to find the ad from that time, but a Google search shows the Indeed link dated 11/30/16:

I applied and received a standard confirmation email which I could only assume was from them, as there was no company name in the body of the email and it was addressed from noreply@company.com -- apparently, they just couldn't be bothered to customize their email template.

Looks like they couldn't have been bothered to actually hire anybody at that time, either, as it has reappeared as of 04/17/17...

Fake job alert: Custom Learning Designs

Custom Learning Designs advertised this interactive graphic designer position on both LinkedIn and Indeed back on 09/30/16, for which I applied. 

They viewed my website several times over the following weeks, and then LinkedIn notified me that their "director of creative services" viewed my profile. But, I heard nothing further, i.e., no invitation to interview (*surprise!*). They advertised a freelance version of it a few months later...and, here's the original full-time version advertised again today (04/18/17). The one edit to the Indeed ad is that it now absolutely requires the applicant to submit their salary requirement in order to be considered. So, in addition to wanting the youngest/prettiest candidate (hence the LinkedIn profile snooping -- seriously, what other reason is there to do this?), they also want the cheapest candidate.

EDIT, 05/11/17: Only three weeks after posting the 04/18/17 ad, they have posted it yet again. The only difference is in the title, where they've changed "Interactive Graphic Designer" to "Graphic Designer - Interactive." Apparently, it's the placement of the adjective in the title that most effectively attracts the right candidates.

Fake job alert: Tocci Building Companies

This poor company just can’t find a single qualified graphic designer to fill this job they've been advertising since January 2016: 

It remains advertised as of March 2017:

This is truly baffling, especially considering that the state of Stinkassachusetts is saturated with designers as evidenced by the massive number of applicants each local job advertised on StinkedIn consistently receives (over one hundred). For example, this one received 335...this one, 238...this one, 180...this one, 176...this one, 133...this one, 129...115 for this one...136 for this one...even this dinky job received 234. Maybe Tocci can contact the recruiters shown for these positions and ask them to send some candidates over their way...? 

EDIT, 7/5/17: StinkedIn has removed the # of applicants stat from all the above jobs (gee, wonder why...could it be they know we aren't wasting our time applying when we know there are 100+ other applicants?). Here are a few early screenshots I did manage to snag with the stat intact:

I was one of the 102 suckers--er, applicants to apply for this fake job when it first appeared on StinkedIn back in January 2016... 

My application was ignored, although one of their employees did snoop on my StinkedIn profile; I guess she wasn’t impressed with the recommendations written by my clients but instead was turned off by my profile picture which reveals I am clearly over the age of 30.


I mentioned this "fake job" in the comments section of an ATH blog entry which prompted a few responses:

Needless to say, nobody from Tocci ever replied to Nick.

They advertised it again on StinkedIn on March 14, 2017, where it amassed another 135 suckers--er, applicants.

I’m not sure what’s more pathetic, a company that is so incompetent that it can’t find a single qualified applicant in a job market completely saturated with qualified candidates, or some kid who actually gets excited about seeing the job still being advertised after several months, per the “Comments” section of the company webpage:

Sheesh, get a clue, Cassie G. This job ain’t real!

EDIT, 05/02/17: Here we go again...

EDIT, 08/03/17: It's back, but in a slightly modified form. This time it's a three-month temp-to-perm gig...

Fake job alert: Ameriprise

I applied for a graphic design job (job #7649BR) they advertised back in November 2016. One month later, I applied for their graphic design manager job (job #7879BR). I received a rejection email to the latter in January, and to the former just last week (March 2017). On March 8, both jobs appeared newly posted on their website:

The "Senior Manager, Graphic Design" job description is identical to the "Manager, Graphic Design" job I had applied to save for the addition of the word "senior" to the title. But, note that the graphic design position maintains the same job number as before. Looks like folks are getting sloppy in the fake job racket.

Thoughts on “Woman who launched a 'racist tirade' against two black employees at Michaels is identified as an HR WORKER”

Once again, we see a fine display of what infests the hiring profession in America these days. This video went viral a few weeks ago, but here it is for those who missed it:

I recently came across an “update” on this story which revealed the identity of this sociopath...

Ah, good ole' LinkedIn, offering proof that to be successful in America today all you need is a hot supermodel-style picture on your profile, along with a "network" of 500+ strangers you call "friends."

Further details from the article:

She said she “worked directly with Executive leaders and directors” to “facilitate the effective coordination and delivery of HR services including talent acquisition, performance management, compensation, employee and labor relations employee engagement, and workforce planning.” She said she “addressed poor performance issues and policy violations through progressive discipline and performance management process. Established a formal recruiting and onboarding program, counsel management.” 

She wrote on LinkedIn that she was “experienced in achieving organizational transformation through strategic HR Program and System Implementations.”

She called herself a “responsive and trustworthy business partner who helps leaders redesign their organizational structures to help improve employee engagement, retention, and productivity.” She said she was an “articulate and effective presenter” who demonstrates “leadership, keen analytical and assessment skills. Excels at adapting a responsive leadership style to suit unique cultural environments.”

So…she does...WHAT, exactly, for $90K/year?

From my 1994 Sniglet-a-Day calendar:

Occuflation: Taking menial jobs on your resume and fancying them up, i.e. 'sharpening pencils' becomes 'managing office equipment'

Ah, well, at least she meets the minimum qualifications to work in 21st century America, those qualifications being that she's (1) 26 years old, and (2) attractive. I can’t help but wonder whether Sinai passed over better qualified “old farts” when filling this role, opting to hire the twentysomething twat just because “everyone else is doing it.”

Whatever. I’m confident she’ll find another cushy corporate HR gig paying $90K/year – and, sadly, I’m NOT being sarcastic.

Oh, and to any HR twats who take offense here at being judged based on the actions of one lone lunatic, I ask: How does it feel? You routinely program your ATSs to dismiss our job applications based on whether we're "too old," whether we’re unemployed, whether we have a slight gap on our resumes, whether our last names sound “too ethnic,” whether our street address is in the wrong side of town, and on and on. And, let’s not forget, you’re using an ATS because you’re too fucking stupid to know how to read a resume. So, if you are offended by this story, GOOD.

Cybereason of Boston: Digital natives, only!

More proof that Dan Lyons was right when he wrote, "When It Comes to Age Bias, Tech Companies Don’t Even Bother to Lie..." This job appeared on 12/02/16:

Putting aside the massive amount of stupid in this description (no, I don't fall asleep looking at design blogs, what kind of loser does that?), they outright state they expect the applicant to have "grown up on digital," or, as the term goes, be a "digital native." A digital native is synonymous with "millennial." Yeah, stating you'll only consider people from a certain age bracket is illegal. But, so what? 

EDIT: Looks like they realized their faux pas and edited the requirements. Don't worry, folks, their "Careers" page continues to convey the "we only hire from the young/pretty crowd" message quite nicely (and, as of June 2017 they *still* haven't found a designer)...

EDIT, 07/11/17: Today (July 11), a brand new direct-apply version appeared on StinkedIn...

Cylance of Irvine, CA

Poor, poor Cylance. They just can’t find a senior designer anywhere on this planet.

I first saw this so-called job advertised back in September 2015. Recall, this was immediately after I had completed that six-month gig within Fidelity’s cybersecurity division…

I thought, wow, how perfect of a match can you get here? Not only do I have the recent cybersecurity gig (NIST framework, anyone?) but I’ve got the "above and beyond" experience with Cinema 4D. Logic would dictate that they’d be overjoyed to receive my application.

Ah, but this job is in California, the state that has made age discrimination hip, cool and legal.

Not only did I NOT hear from them, but nobody from any IP address in Irvine even viewed my website/portfolio. One day, I decided to dig a little deeper inside their shiny little website. Here’s what I saw on the “Company” page…

Oh, dear.

Should I just assume they programmed their Workable ATS to ignore every applicant with a female name?

Since then, they were able to add a token woman to this page, later replacing that token woman with a token woman of color. Score one for diversity, fellas!

I dismissed this place and forgot about them. Then the same “job” reappeared in February 2016. I decided to have a little fun with them courtesy of their “Contact Us” page. I sent them a nice little note egged on by some friends I was with who agreed this whole thing was BS…unfortunately I did this using my cell phone so I don’t have a copy of that note, hence I am reconstructing it from memory here. I began with “I applied for your Senior Designer position back in September. My background seemed to be a perfect match; not only do I have Cinema 4D and motion graphics experience, but my last contract was working in the cybersecurity division at a Fortune 500 company. Yet, I did not even earn a telephone screening from you. How bizarre! Even more bizarre, this position is STILL being advertised on your website. Either your recruitment department is incompetent, you are guilty of age discrimination (I am over 30 which is "old" by California standards) or this job is completely FAKE (posted in exchange for local tax credits or to boost your stock price).” I believe I concluded it with a promise to complain to the FTC about them and was ready to again dismiss them when, lo and behold, my website received not one but five viewers in Irvine:

A cross-check with my other visitor stats program confirmed the IP addresses. To add to the hilarity, several of these idiots snooped on my LinkedIn profile. Now, why snoop on my LinkedIn profile? The time for looking at my LinkedIn profile (which has some very nice written reviews…too bad that means nothing to employers like this one!) was back in September 2015 when I first applied for the job. This should have been an early step in reviewing my candidacy. Of course, as we all now know, they didn’t review me at all in September.

Anyways, here’s the email I received from them in response to my note:

Thank you for your interest in Cylance and for recently contacting us. On behalf of the recruiting team, we apologize for the delay in response to your application with us as we haven’t had much movement in terms of hiring for the Senior Designer in recent months; this explains the lack of contact.

 After reviewing your application, we regret to inform you that it has not been selected for further consideration. Again, thank you for your interest in Cylance and your recent note via our Contract Request Form. We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.

 “…haven’t had much movement…” What does that even mean? Sorry, but that hardly “explains the lack of contact” (and even that phrase doesn’t make any sense). And, "...we regret to inform you that it has not been selected for further consideration." Well, D'UH!

Clearly, we are not dealing with decent people here. Again, I decided it was best to dismiss them and move on. But it’s so hard to do so when this damned "job" keeps reappearing, as it did again this past September, one full year since this nonsense began. A screenshot from Monster confirms the February job posting date along with the latest one in September 2016:

So, what are we dealing with here? Is it age discrimination? They've got this lovely little banner image montage on their careers page which seems to be devoid of anyone over the age of 30…

Or is the job just fake like most others out there, posted so they can harvest applicants’ personal data which they then sell to the highest bidder?

Or are they just incompetent?

Whether it’s a lack of ethics or a lack of intelligence, the greater question is, who on earth would trust their cybersecurity to a company like this?

Fake job alert: Emulate, Inc.

Emulate, Inc., advertised this job on StinkedIn back in June 2016:

Wow, not even 100 applicants. Must have been a slow week. No problem, just advertise it again -- and they did, two months later on July 11:

Ah, 136 applicants this time, much better! That means they now have 226 applicants, imagine how much fun they're having not bothering to look through all those resumes (yes, mine is one of them, *sigh).  

Seriously, I really would love an explanation as to what the hell is going on here.

EDIT, 10/31/16: They've recently posted a similar design job. How nice to see that they've only received a whopping EIGHT applicants over four days.

EF Education First: Ping-pong and foosball and beer, oh my!

File this one under “NO, Dan Lyons, blatant agediscrimination is NOT diminishing in Stinkassachusetts.”

Same story as always…I applied for many jobs at this company over the past few years, never earning so much as a phone screening. Back in October 2016 they advertised on LinkedIn for a designer, note the massive number of applicants:

That same month, I stumbled upon one of their job postings on Venturefizz…

No further commentary really needed here.

Further evidence that Boston is a true shithole full of lowlifes

As if we even needed any further evidence of that:

Former HubSpot chief marketing officer Mike Volpe was hired by cybersecurity software firm Cybereason for the same role. In July 2015,Volpe was fired by HubSpot, which sells marketing software, in connection with attempts to get a hold of a draft manuscript of a book about the company, Dan Lyons’s “Disrupted: My Misadventure in the Start-Up Bubble.”

Continuing from the BostInno link at the end of the paragraph:

Volpe's firing prompted a federal criminal investigation that eventually closed with no charges being filed, according to The Boston Globe. FBI records, which did not identify anyone, later revealed that there were allegations about "multiple failed attempts to manipulate and extort people." The FBI report also mentioned "tactics such as email hacking and extortion."

But despite Volpe's firing, many in Boston startup's community have rallied around Volpe. In the year since he was fired, Volpe has become an advisor and investor for other startups, including one founded by a former Kayak employee called Drafted. He recently started an angel investment group called Operator.VC with Yoav Shapira, a fellow former HubSpot employee who now works at Facebook's Cambridge office. He also ran a well-attended event in June called Growth Camp. 

My LinkedIn network remains full of poor schmucks who have been rendered to the "unemployable" category for the mere crime of turning "too old" (still unsure where that age begins...is it 35 now?). Not only do we have the age factor held against us, but we are judged by hiring managers on everything from a one-month resume gap to "why did you leave your last job?" Try saying "I was fired" like this Volpe dude was and see where that gets ya.

This guy wins Sleaze of the Year Award, but his career remains unscathed.

Got that, folks? In Boston, it doesn’t matter how sleazy you are. Just fall under the “young entrepreneur” label and you can get away with anything, and everyone will keep kissing your ass. (That anybody would trust their cybersecurity, of all things, to this guy is further evidence that this world has gone mad.)

Queen Associates

I discovered a new clown company posing as a “recruitment firm” on LinkedIn (seems that’s all LinkedIn is good for). They advertised for a “motion graphics designer” position on August 9. I foolishly submitted my resume (and so did 21 other fools – which is quite a low number for a Boston job posted on LinkedIn…am I late in learning that this company isn't to be trusted?). One month later, they advertised an identical position again on LinkedIn, the only difference being the title now had the word “senior” in it. I decided to send these clowns a little email:

When I came across your latest job posting on LinkedIn I almost made the mistake of applying for it. Luckily, I discovered that I had already applied for the identical position you advertised one month earlier (August 9) before making the same mistake twice. The stat at the bottom of that page says you received 21 applicants (including myself), so why you would need to re-advertise the same job when you clearly received a good pool of candidates truly puzzles me. A reputable legitimate recruiter would have contacted every one of these applicants regardless of their qualifications to establish a professional relationship with them and, thus, avoid the need to dump any similar future job postings on these useless impersonal job boards. This is called "networking." I wonder how many of those applicants did your recruitment team bother to contact -- I didn't even receive an acknowledgment (and I'm certain that I won't receive a reply to this email).

I don't take kindly to companies who solicit my personal information for ulterior motives. I have added you to my list of joke "recruitment agencies" to ignore.

Here’s the hilarious reply I received from their “president:”

Your email was forwarded to me, and I wanted to take a moment to respond to you.  I am truly sorry that you’ve been disappointed by the experience you had in posting to one of our jobs.  As much as we strive to make contact with each of our applicants, sometimes a mistake is made.  I apologize that you were not contacted.

As a result, I am working with our HR Director and Recruiting team to talk about ways that we can ensure every candidate receives at a minimum, an acknowledgment of their application.  As you can imagine, with the hundreds of openings and thousands of candidates we encounter each month, it is difficult to provide the level of interaction we would truly like to.

If you have any additional concerns, please feel free to reach out to me directly.  As the President of the firm, our reputation is of utmost importance to me, so please accept my apologies that we missed the mark on providing you a good experience. 

Sincerely, 

Robin Pugh

Hmmmm…no mention of WHY they needed to advertise the same job twice in a job market saturated with designers (she even admits they get thousands of applicants -- so, maybe dumping jobs on job boards like LinkedIn isn't the best way to recruit?)…no feedback as to why I didn't qualify for the job posted...pretty much no mention of anything really, here. Like I said, just another bunch of fakers in a seriously messed up job market.

Babson College

In May 2016 I applied for a “senior instructional multimedia designer” position they advertised. I applied, and heard nothing. I then foolishly applied for a “multimedia and conceptual designer” position they advertised the following August. On October 4, I received their rejection email for the job I applied for back in May. As this was from what appeared to be a functioning email address (careers@babson.edu), I replied back: “I applied for this job IN MAY. That it took your HR department FOUR MONTHS to reject me is nothing short of pathetic. Don't bother sending me a rejection email come January for the multimedia design job for which I foolishly applied last month (and how very bizarre that I didn't even qualify for a telephone screening despite my background in eLearning).” No response received.

I was ready to forget about this latest bunch of nonsense when the first job from May appeared on LinkedIn. I sent them another email (this time to the address shown on their website, hr@babson.edu): “In regards to this position which was first advertised in May...I had assumed you filled this role long before I received your rejection email (forwarded below), but after stumbling across it *again* on LinkedIn, I see that it remains advertised on your website. This is disgusting. Either your hiring team is grossly incompetent (which I stated in my previous email below) or this job is fake, posted to harvest applicants' personal information which you can then sell to the highest bidder (which is what I am now beginning to believe). Shame on you.” Again, no response received.

As of today, October 9, the job (which is obviously fake) remains advertised on their website:

I think this makes for a mighty fine lesson to their undergraduates (each paying $60K/year to attend) in how they should expect to be treated as job applicants after graduation by potential employers.

Interactions LLC

This dinky little company in Franklin, Stinkassachusetts, advertised for an “interactive and print designer” in September 2016. Once again, I encountered an online job application that was both frustrating and downright offensive.

First, the application was very poorly designed in that anyone self-employed will have difficulty completing the work history fields of "company name/address" and "manager" (remember, we’re in a “gig” economy now, so why aren’t companies adjusting their job applications to reflect this?). 

And then they did what so many of these dumb online applications do, which was to demand references right up front. Now that I know these companies are posting fake jobs in order to collect and then sell our personal information, I absolutely refuse to disclose the intimate details of my clients/colleagues. That would just be stupid on my part. They’ll get this very personal information after they’ve met with me and are ready to offer me a job (cue the laughter).

Finally, we get to the offensive part. They demand to know what YEAR I graduated college.

Now, for what other purpose would they demand this information other than to reject me for being too old? Combined with the job description requirements of a mere “two to three years of experience,” it is clear that they are only interested in recruiting someone under the age of 25.

I went ahead and submitted my application merely as a joke. Sure enough, within four days I received their darling rejection email, “At this time we are electing to proceed forward with candidates that more closely align with the requirements of this role.” I have 18 years of experience, so I’m pretty sure the “requirements” they are referring to have nothing to do with skills.

Here’s where it gets funny. They state on their website that they “turn frustrating customer care experiences into productive conversations.” I decided to test this claim, and sent them a nice little message via their Facebook page, “I’d like to share with you what a FRUSTRATING experience I had completing your online job application for the Interactive/Print Designer role…” and referencing the above quote about "turning frustrating customer care experiences into productive conversations." Did they seize the opportunity to transform this frustrating experience into a productive conversation? Nope, I received no response or acknowledgement whatsoever, which just goes to show how skilled this company is in "turning frustrating customer care experiences into productive conversations.” These folks never learned that every job applicant is a potential future customer.

A quick peek at the reviews on their aforementioned Facebook page reveals a seriously rotten company…

Of course, I really don’t think there are any non-rotten companies in Stinkassachusetts.

ManTech and the Department of Defense

I first came across this third-shift design this third-shift design job jbeing advertised by some dinky staffing company called ManTech back in February (it was actually posted in January). I never bothered applying despite being fully qualified because I did not have the required security clearance. When I saw this job was still being advertised the other day (it's now September, seven months later), I sent them an email asking if they are still trying to fill this position, adding, “I am a graphic designer experienced in 3D modeling/animation (Cinema 4D), however, I do not have the required security clearance.” 

I received the following reply: "Thank you for your interest in ManTech International Corporation. Job requisition 81836BR is still available - you can apply for this position at:  http://www.jobs.net/jobs/ManTech/en-us. Once you have applied, let me know and I will send your status request to the recruiter."

Okay, so she's not concerned that I don't have the security clearance. Perhaps they’ve finally realized they can’t be too picky here and will work on getting security clearance for the candidate after they’re hired, which is completely doable. I went to the application page, which asked me to check what security level I currently hold. I said “none” and received the following message on my screen: "Thank you for your interest in ManTech's position 81836BR: Senior Graphics Designer (3D Animation). Your answer indicates you do not hold the necessary clearance required for consideration for this position." The End.

I relayed this back to the clown at ManTech -- does this idiot not know how to read? why did she tell me to go ahead and apply when I clearly stated I didn't have the security clearance? -- who replied, “Thank you for the follow up.  When a job requisition states clearance level - we must hire someone with an active clearance at the level identified.  We hope that you will continue to review our job opportunities and thank you again for your interest in ManTech.”

My final response: “A job opening that remains unfilled for a whopping seven months is not a real job opening...I think I'll look elsewhere.”

I was tempted to contact the Department of Defense who supposedly is the end client for this gig, but failed to find a single contact page or link. Is our own DoD guilty of stupidity here? After nine months they still can’t find a designer with 3D modeling skills (not every graphic designer knows 3D) who is willing and eager to work the midnight shift AND has top security clearance. I mean, c’mon, how many people are out there who meet these requirements?

I really really want to believe that our DoD cannot possibly be this incompetent, so I’m going to conclude the job is, like every other “job” listed by these clown staffing agencies, completely FAKE.