Re-education camps for 21st century America

It’s been quite a few years since the Great Recession supposedly ended, and various "workshops" “for discouraged workers continue to appear on my radar. I came across several this week, one in Stinkassachusetts (Operation Able) and the other in RI (Tech Force RI). They both triggered a flood of warm ‘n’ fuzzy memories of my investigation into similar "back to work" programs a few years back.

One was called Platform to Employment. I remember scrutinizing their website trying to understand exactly how they help someone like myself (BS degree, decades of experience) find a job in my field.

Platform to Employment empowers individuals, fosters self-sufficiency and focuses on performance improvements with measurable outcomes. We help participants discover their true potential while providing employers flexible and highly trained workers who can think critically, act independently and work in teams!

What a bunch of gibberish. And, oh, those poor employers who, until now, just couldn’t find workers capable of thinking critically, acting independently, and working in teams! (Quite frankly, I’ve concluded no employer wants a worker who does any of those things, as that would make them a threat to the corporate hierarchy.)

My curiosity still piqued, I decided to send them the following message via their Facebook page:

You state on your website, "Upon completion, P2E helps participants find open positions at local companies and offers an eight-week, paid work experience." It is my observation that there simply are no opportunities for a senior-level graphic designer in the state of Rhode Island (or Massachusetts, for that matter). I realized not long after becoming unemployed in 2013 that I had to leave this area if I wanted to work again, but every out-of-state application I've submitted has been ignored.

I'm just curious as to how you would be able to "help find open positions at local companies" when, based on my own experience, there simply are no open positions in my field in the New England area...?

Here’s their response:

Sorry to learn about your employment challenges. The foundation of P2E is a 5 week program which helps people focus and improve their job search. While many look to re-enter prior occupation that is not always possible. For others it may be a matter of identifying and leveraging transferable skills to enter new employment.

In other words, they don’t help you find a job in your field. Instead, they assist you with dumbing down your resume, lowering your expectations and thoroughly breaking your spirit to prepare you in your transition to an exciting new career in one of the only two worlds left for unemployables, (1) minimum wage retail, or (2) customer service with a 1992 salary (~$12/hr).

I see some striking parallels to the re-education camps of post-war Vietnam, where members of the non-peasant class were rounded up and placed in these camps to “learn about the ways of the new government." Just replace “new government” with “new economy” and forced labor with networking techniques, i.e., make a pest of yourself to anyone who still has a job.  

I came to the same conclusion with another group, Job Club RI. I sent an email to the guy in charge and we spoke on the phone; he exhibited little sympathy for my situation and couldn't offer much advice other than to sternly lecture me about my 1,000+ rejections that “when you get a rejection forget it and move on” (yeah, really helpful, dude). He also did not share the details of what sort of magic wand this workshop will give me to wave at companies and compel them to view my online application.

Here are a few entries in the list of topics the workshop covers, along with my respective commentary:

• Resume Development

My resume doesn’t need any further “development,” as I’ve already consulted with and paid two top consultants for this, resulting in a resume that routinely scores over 90% in the keyword game according to Jobscan.

• Elevator Speech

You can’t give an elevator speed through Taleo, BrassRing, Jobvite, etc.

• Interview Questions

What good does this do when you can’t get an interview (because the company doesn’t look at your application – which is, of course, because the job they’re advertising isn’t a real job to begin with)?

• Best Job Search Websites

There’s no such thing as a “best job search website,” as the majority of jobs advertised on them are completely fake. The only way to get a job in America today is through good old fashioned cronyism, i.e. “know the right person.”

• Networking Skills

One harsh lesson I’ve learned is that if you don’t already have a “strong network” when you become unemployed, you’re screwed. So, any advice on “networking skills” for the unemployed is pretty much useless.

• LinkedIn Review

Anyone who still thinks StinkedIn can help get you a job is truly out of touch.

Again, I concluded that this yet another “embrace your shiny new future as a member of America’s low wage peasant class and you’d better be grateful for such an opportunity” camp.

Perhaps I’m being too harsh, maybe we could all use a little spirit-breaking re-educating…