1986 vs. 2015

I got my very first job in the summer of 1986. I had just completed my first year of college (for a useless degree in Business Administration – seriously, kids, this is a degree to avoid, it’s just as bad as design!) and had just begun summer break. I was looking at the “want ads” in the Sunday Pittsburgh Press and saw one for a typist. It was with a temp agency, Allegheny Personnel. I called them, they invited me in where they tested my typing (I blew them away with my speed) and they told me they could probably find me something “starting tomorrow.” I thought surely getting a job can’t be this easy, especially in this town that was still suffering from severe unemployment due to the steel mills closing. Sure enough, I got home and they called as soon as I walked in the door with a job for me starting the next day. Even sweeter was the pay: $5/hour! That was a whopping $1.65 (30%) more than the minimum wage.

I had several assignments that summer through that agency, and all were wonderful experiences. The following summer, I called Allegheny Personnel saying I was again available for temporary typing work, and they immediately placed me at Mellon Bank. Again, it was a wonderful experience, and it lasted through the whole summer. When I had to quit to return to school, they threw me a party and the one supervisor I had took me out to lunch to a very nice restaurant.

Imagine that, a temp worker getting thrown a farewell party!

Even more shocking was the diverse age groups I encountered in all of the places I worked during those two summers. There were a few young kids like myself, but also lots of women in their 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s.

Now, let’s look at how I was treated at Fidelity Investments back in 2015. I look back on this experience with more sadness than I should as it is no doubt is the last job I’ll ever have in America. When the CIO who hired me abruptly left the company, the remaining team decided they had no use for me and shifted me over to a different boss not once but twice – and neither of them wanted anything to do with me, either. It became clear immediately that this six-month contract would not be converting to a permanent role as initially promised. I spent the majority of those last four months doing absolutely nothing and being completely ignored. At times, entering that building in the morning very much felt like walking into high school detention, where I had to sit in silence all day and think about what I did wrong.

My final few weeks came and went in the same fashion with nobody saying one word to me, right down to my last day when I packed up my desk, turned in my security badge, quietly left the building and went to my car where I broke down and cried, wondering what kind of sick joke was this for life to play on me. I realize I made some bad mistakes in my life, but this is just a little bit ridiculous.

The worst part of Fidelity's behavior was that when I was offered the job by that CIO I had just received my first offer to teach English in South Korea. I never never never never NEVER would have turned down that opportunity to start a new life for myself had I known I'd be unemployed again in six months. I gave Fidelity's HR clowns multiple chances to "right this wrong" but they just didn't care. 

I can't help but wonder had I stayed in Pittsburgh would my last job in America have been this bad. More importantly, would I have completed my "last job in America" at the age of 47. Whatever. I suppose it’s for the best that my last job in America was the worst, ensuring I’ll have no regrets and no remorse when I board that plane that takes me far, far away from here.

Massachusetts: The NO Networking state

(I've abstained from spelling "Massachusetts" in my usual snarky fashion as I'd like this page to properly appear in a web search. Rest assured, my opinion of this state remains unchanged.) 

As I look back at my early days of running from one temp gig to another in this miserable state trying to prove myself as a designer and build up a network of clients and contacts, I can now see what a complete waste of time and futile effort it all was. I already wrote about Cramer as one good example; here are a few more, spanning the time from 1999 to 2003.

Vantage Partners

Way back when, either late 1999 or early 2000, I was placed here on a temp presentation design gig through PSG. As always, I did a fine job, earning a glowing review in the end, “Please tell her that she was the best designer I’ve ever worked with!” As always, I naively said to myself, terrific! There’s another satisfied customer who will sure call me back whenever they have the need for a designer! (Yeah, right.)

So, here we are, 16 years on, and they have to put out an advertisement and solicit loads of resumes for this one dinky five-month stint. 

How sad that they never could be bothered to establish a long-term relationship with me (or, apparently, anyone else).

Even funnier (or sadder, depending on your POV), I got a call from TCG checking in to see whether I’d like to make myself available for some temp work. I asked, “Well, that depends, what have you got? Anything worth my time?” The rep replied she’s got “two great opportunities currently open, one with Vantage Partners, and another one with Cambridge Systematics.” Recall, I briefly mentioned a very bad experience with the latter company here.

Oh, good grief. Sixteen years on, and it’s the same dinky companies filling the same old roles with temps. It's like musical chairs except with jobs instead of chairs.  

Aramark

Back in 2003, PSG called me about a presentation design gig with Aramark. My rep (a very nice guy, unfortunately he moved to another state) said that the client had given the task of designing a PPT template to someone there internally and they were NOT happy at all with what he did. Based on the details he gave me, I deduced this person was not a designer, just someone who thinks they’re a designer because they knew PPT. I “accepted the mission,” drove up to their Norwell location and met with the girl in charge of the project. She showed me what this other “designer” had done -- a plain red background with the Aramark logo in white on top, text placeholders, and that was it. I came home created three template designs which included imagery and some 3D elements. Her email response to me was that I blew them away with my designs, “We are all very impressed with what you’ve given us!” After they picked a template they sent me slides to incorporate into the new design. Again, they were happy with everything and, again, I foolishly said to myself, “Excellent, another satisfied client that I can count on to feed me some project work in the future!”

Never heard from them again. They advertised for a designer twice in the past few years, and I applied both times (in May 2014, and in December 2015). I was automatically rejected by their ATS without anyone even looking at my website. 

Staples

Just like with Aramark, PSG called me with a PPT design job at Staples back in 2003. They had no PPT in their corporate brand back then, thus I was hired to fix this. I gave them several template designs that they loved, they picked one and I designed their slides to match the new template. Again, glowing feedback to PSG. Again, this led to NOTHING.

I look back at these joke jobs and wonder, why did it have to be like this? The only reason I can think of is that Stinkassachusetts…stinks.

Cramer Productions

Right down the road from Analog Devices is another wonderful Stinkassachusetts company. Back in early 2003, I was feeling the effects of the dot-com bust. After subsisting on a temporary per-diem transcription gig for $13/hour (same salary as I had made a decade earlier), I finally had some luck with PSG in getting some design work (yeah, it’s hard to believe but PSG actually did find people work back then!). They placed me with Cramer as a presentation designer.

Once again, I performed flawlessly. Many of my designs made their way to their “design spotlight wall” and what was initially a one-week stint turned into several months of work. But, like every temp gig, the work eventually dried up and they didn’t need me anymore. I still feel foolish for how naïve I was back then, actually thinking I had made progress in obtaining a happy client who will surely remember me when they need a designer again. Barely one month later, and I see Cramer advertising for a presentation designer on Monster. WTF? I called my PSG rep and asked him what the hell is going on? Why didn’t these people want me back for this role? Why in the world would they not hire someone who is able to start working immediately (i.e., not need any training) but instead choose to harvest resumes and perform tedious interviews? I practically broke down crying asking him what did I do for them to hate me. He said, “I promise they don’t hate you, they loved you! I don’t know what’s going on with them but I'll try to find out!” (He never did.)

Over the next thirteen years I’d see Cramer advertise this exact same job and, like a fool, I’d apply, but I never even qualified for a telephone screening (most recently as January 2016). In another state this whole thing would seem bizarre, but this is Stinkassachusetts. 

Remember, don’t expect a long-term business relationship with anyone in Stinkassachusetts as your skills, talents and work ethic are meaningless here. Nobody wants to network with you, and nobody wants to be your friend. 

Analog Devices

My experience with this company was a fine example of how unfriendly and downright nasty the people in this state truly are.

Back in 2000, I was a newly minted designer struggling to find work and paying my bills by going from one temporary gig to another (I barely had a portfolio and only two years of anything resembling design on my resume). TCG placed me here for a temporary gig that consisted of recreating diagrams from scratch in a program called Canvas; there was a “to do” box that up until the end was consistently full of printouts of diagrams needing to be recreated this way. After a few weeks, TCG did their typical check-in with their client to see how things were going with the temp they sent them. The feedback they passed along to me was that I was doing awesome work and “keep it up!”

There are several things that stand out in my memory about this place. One was the Mac I had to use which crashed an average eight times per day (this contributed to my failure to fall in love with anything made by Apple – the biggest reason being my observation that Apple products turn normal people into jerks, but that’s a post for another day). The second and bigger thing was that the people here were the most god-unfriendly people I’ve ever met. My “boss” was some nasty guy named Paul; he was about my age, and not once did I see him smile in my time there. Then there was their full-time “designer” who always carried a nasty scowl on her face; I’d pass her walking back to my cubicle and say “hi” and she’d say nothing but would just glare at me. Okay, I’m not going to make friends in this place, I said to myself on more than one occasion. But, hey, I’m not here to make friends, I’m here to prove that I’m a good worker ant and that I know what I’m doing. Maybe this job will go permanent (ha!) or they’ll need someone down the road (again, ha!).

One day (can’t really recall how much time went by after the initial positive feedback from TCG, maybe a month) I went to retrieve work in the “to do” box only to find it empty. And, over the course of the next week, this became the norm, i.e., there was no work to do. I figured things were just slowing down and would pick up again. Then one Friday I came home to a message on my answering machine from TCG telling me to not go in to work on Monday. I called them and was told that “the HR rep said she’s had reports of a lot of eye-rolling with you and hence don’t want you back.” I said WTF? What on earth are they talking about? Firstly, I went through my average day in virtual isolation -- I’d retrieve a printout from the “to do” box, return to my cubicle, complete the diagram, and repeat the procedure. I pretty much didn’t interact with anybody and, as I already pointed out, nobody in this place wanted to interact with me. Where specifically did I piss someone off here? I then pointed out that they had nothing but good things to say about me only a month back, so what exactly happened to make them change their opinion of me? “I know!” my rep said, “I don’t understand this, either! But this is all they’d tell me!”

That this group of unfriendly unsociable shitheads would dismiss me or anyone for being “unsociable” is nothing short of hilarious. I told my TCG rep that I demanded to know the reason I was let go; I also told her about how there was nothing to work on as of late. She said she’d try to find out more, but I never did get any further feedback and, since I found another gig almost immediately, I let the whole thing go.

The nicest memory I have was going in the next day after being “fired” (a Saturday) to retrieve my things from my desk. They voided my security badge and dumped all my things in a box and left it with the security guard.

I often think about this experience, and sixteen years on I still wonder just what the hell happened here. My best guess is that they probably overestimated to TCG their need for a designer, they no longer needed me and didn’t have the guts to admit it, so the easiest way to get rid of me was to just make me the bad guy. And, where I initially concluded that encountering such a rotten bunch of degenerates was an isolated incident, I now know better. The people in this state suck. 

Dan Lyons: From hero to clueless in 160 days

I’ve already mentioned “Disrupted” here previously. Finally, I exclaimed when this book came out last April, someone speaks out on behalf of us “old farts” being kicked out of the job market! We finally have a spokesman to champion our cause…okay, I know there is no hope that one guy is going to cause any significant change in today’s fucktarded hiring practices, but it was nice to see a little attention given to the issue.

Imagine how disappointed I was to read his article in Boston Magazine saying that things are getting better.

Dude, are you fucking serious? You think you have single-handedly fixed everything with your book, and now everything’s just fine and dandy based on the fact that YOU are no longer struggling to find a job? Newsflash: NOTHING has changed here. Things are just as bad as ever. I’m even noticing that the age discrimination is getting even MORE blatant than before. For example...

Companies now routinely incorporate pictures of their under-40 workforces all across their websites, like this one (DraftKings). 

Forget over 40, is there anyone over 30 here?

Next, we've got Formlabs who’s been advertising this same dumb design job since December 2014. I applied, and heard nothing. Gee, I wonder why. Note the hammock in this image which used to be on their Ventirefizz page…a hammock, ferfuckssake!!!

Here’s an ad for a graphic designer with Perkins+Will, who blatantly demands the candidate not be over the age of 23 with the “1-2 years’ experience” requirement. 

Finally, there was this gem of a headline that appeared in my news feed just the other day: Legendary Apple Engineer Gets Rejected For Genius Bar Job

No, Mr. Lyons, nothing’s getting better. And, that you’re using EMC as your example of companies behaving better is just laughable -- here’s my experience with EMC back in early 2015 (I am positive that the hiring manager’s lack of enthusiasm in offering me the job boiled down to the fact that I’m *old*).

An *explosion* of design/creative jobs at Newmark Grubb Knight Frank

They advertised a design job directly on LinkedIn on January 5, 2016,receiving 132 applicants. I foolishly applied and was promptly and efficiently ignored.

The same job was advertised again – as a new job – on February 11, when it received 114 applicants (no, I didn’t bother applying). That makes 246 total applicants at this point.

On March 13, it appeared for a THIRD time, receiving 120 applicants. We’re up to 366 now.

And here it is again on May 9, with 108 applicants.

After the 02/11 appearance, I decided to send them an old-fashioned complaint letter via their Facebook page. I came right out and asked just what kind of game are they playing here, listing all the links and offering a few choice words, “Is your ‘Recruiting Coordinator,’ Banesa Vasquez, so incompetent that out of 246 applicants she couldn’t find even one qualified designer in all this time, particularly in a city where designers are a dime a dozen? Word of advice: People are starting to take notice of companies posting fake jobs, like this one. I strongly suggest you get your act together. Not only do you look very bad here, but you make America look bad.”

No response received. 

After the 05/09 appearance, I sent an email to both of their "public relations" contacts (found on their website). I repeated the details from the Facebook message, pointed out how disingenuous they appear here, and, “Do you keep re-advertising it because you get a federal tax break for being a 'job creator' (despite the job being fake)? Or, are you just trying to fool your competitors into thinking you're expanding? Or, are you soliciting applicants' personal information via their resumes for ulterior motives -- for example, using the company names obtained from their work histories as a source of potential sales leads? Or, is this just an astonishing case of incompetence?” I ended it with suggesting that they apologize to all 437 applicants who were duped into thinking they were applying for a real job.

No response received.

Finally, I wrote a letter to the CEO, Barry Gosin, via snail mail with signature confirmation: 

After being ignored by your recruiting representative, your Facebook administrator, and your public relations team, it is clear that your company simply does not respond to any digital communication, hence I am sending this letter via USPS. I have attached a copy of the email I sent to your public relations team in regards to the graphic designer job that you have been advertising ad nauseam on LinkedIn since January. I questioned why you continue to post this job even after you amassed several hundred applicants. I also pointed out that I send a similar message to your Facebook administrators and I received NO response. Not surprisingly, I received no response from your public relations team. You are quite obviously a company with no ethics. I am sending a copy of this letter along with the enclosures to the US Department of Justice’s Consumer Protection Branch in the hopes they will investigate this matter, as I am convinced you are harvesting applicants’ personal information for ulterior motives.

About a week after sending this, I received a phone call from some girl who could barely speak coherently. She said that they found an internal candidate for that job -- surprise! the job was COMPLETELY FAKE FROM THE START! -- and the only other design job they currently have open is in their New York office and would I be interested in hearing more about it. I told them I have no desire to do business with them. She said "well, whenever you see another job on our website you're more than happy to apply." More than happy to apply. Yep, that's what she said...unbelievable that they would put such an inexperienced kid in charge of damage control here. Good grief. I hung up the phone and sincerely hoped that this would put an end to the fake job postings (because I really do feel sorry for people who just aren't as aware as I am of what's going on). 

Boy, was I wrong. Almost immediately there was a virtual explosion of design/creative jobs with this shady company on StinkedIn (screenshot taken on 08/16/16), including one in Boston, *sigh*:

They sure showed me! "Nobody's gonna tell us we can't advertise fake jobs!" (As of June 2017, they continue to flood the job boards with these fake design jobs...)

Fake job alert: Veritas Genetics

Veritas Genetics advertised for a graphic designer directly on Indeed on August 5, 2016. Take a look at the nice little statistic in bold at the bottom: 

"More than 100 people have already applied to this job on Indeed." Wow. Of course, I applied when that counter was below 50 (cue the laughter).

One would think that "more than 100 applicants" would be sufficient to find a qualified designer. But, I guess one would be wrong in thinking that, as this appeared on StinkedIn five days later...and take a look at how many applicants they received there:

So, they received nearly 300 applicants. Surely that's enough to find one qualified designer!
Alas, look what just appeared today, October 6, as a brand new job on LinkedIn. *Sigh*...

I can't help but notice that the major difference between the two job descriptions is the presence of a new "requirement," which is "1 to 3 years" of experience. This means nobody over the age of 25 need apply. 

EDIT, 11/23/16: Here we go again, "new" job posting on November 23, already up to 109 foolish applicants who haven't been paying attention...

EDIT, 03/31/17: It's baaaaaaaaack...current count of new suckers is at 53...

Dear Gloria Estefan, please shut the fuck up

Last winter, Gloria Estefan was interviewed on CBS Sunday Morning. Skip to the 3:18 mark to hear her epically offensive comment about which I am now writing: 

Quote: “It really irks me when someone says that the American Dream is dead because that could not be further from the truth.”

Ya know what really irks me? Clueless rich fat cats who are so fucking isolated in their little rich world bubbles and their own versions of “the truth” that they don’t see that, yes, the American Dream IS pretty much dead for lots of us who didn’t have the good fortune to luck out and become millionaires like she did. Seriously, how dare she try to tell me or anyone else who has given up that our realities are not real.

Comment from Bill Moyers' "The Long Dark Shadows of Plutocracy"

Here’s the thing. This new American economy just isn’t working for lots of us. It sure isn’t working for me -- my American Dream died when I lost my home in 2014 -- which is why I’m heading overseas to teach English. We are giving up because it would be stupid not to (that’s the definition of stupid, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results).

Sorry our reality doesn’t jibe with your little bubble in which you live, Ms. Estefan. Perhaps if you stepped out of that bubble, you’d see this is not the same country it was when you first made it big here back in the 1980s.

Yes, things were still great here back then. You could walk into any business and talk to the manager about whether or not they were hiring – and sometimes you’d get hired on the spot. Those days are over and they’re NOT coming back.

Here’s an enlightening video from Local USA (PBS) about hunger in America. Skip to the 8:30 mark to “learn about a family that is slipping out of the middle class and into hard times.”

 “…There is another side to DuPage County, one that would have been unthinkable a few years ago. It includes packed food pantries and crowds at the county welfare office. Candace King coordinates human services in DuPage County, and she has watched poverty grow. “It’s exploded. In the 16 years that I have been in my job it has gone from something that was rarely encountered in this community, and certainly no one thought it was here, to an issue that we encounter every day.” 

I certainly relate to the woman they interview at the 10:10 mark who has TWO master’s degrees and only earned $11,000 in the previous year. I sure know who CANNOT relate – a millionaire.  Yes, watch the stories of the people struggling in this video and tell me how it’s all their fault they didn’t become millionaires, because it’s so easy to do! How dare these experiences (and mine and so many others) not be completely identical to yours! 

Gimme a break. You became rich and famous because you got lucky – I have seen better singers on the early seasons of “American Idol” who didn’t have the good fortune to make it to the final rounds. And that’s what it boils down to, sheer dumb luck. Being in the right place at the right time. Nothing more, nothing less.

Hear how Leslie Caron became famous at the 1:38 mark:

"Good luck happens to a lot of people."

So, do us peasants a favor, Ms. Estefan, and keep your “let them eat cake” comments to yourself.

______

On a side note, it wasn’t long after seeing this segment that I decided I no longer had the stomach for CBS Sunday Morning, as it has become nothing but a spotlight on how this world spins for the rich. First, there was an episode with a segment about cereal cafes where people were paying $7 for a stupid bowl of cereal, followed by a segment about rich Chinese men buying Harley Davidsons. Then came an episode that was entirely dedicated to “lifestyles of the rich and famous;” the segments included a tour of Newport, house flippers (people getting rich off of the misfortune of others), golf courses, Dior, and Manhattan skyscrapers being built exclusively for rich fat cats. On that last topic, see what the "peasant" class truly thinks of the Central Park Tower on Bill Moyers' site.

So, Seattle sucks just as bad as Boston

When I admitted that I had made a huge mistake moving to Stinkassachusetts for career purposes, I began applying for jobs nationwide. This included quite a few responses to companies in the Seattle area, like Microsoft and Amazon (of course), plus another one of those dumb recruitment agencies (Yoh) that made contact with me, promised me the moon, and then went AWOL. Based on this latest conversation on the Indeed forum, I should never have wasted my time...

So, Pacific NW is out, New England is out. Ditto California. Let's be honest here. There really is NO geographic mobility in this country anymore (unless you're in one of those few "high demand" fields, not all of us are so lucky). Out of state job applicants are immediately disqualified for whatever bizarre reasons corporations and HR idiots fabricate. The only way to get a job in another state is to move there first and establish a residential address (PO boxes aren't allowed on most ATSs), which requires a good deal of money to do...and, if you do this and strike out in that state? Do it again and again and again, which seems pretty fucktarded to me. The last I checked, there is still no special work permit or visa required for an American to move from one state to another and be legally permitted to work -- you don't even need a passport (honest!). I remain convinced that had I remained in my depressed (and depressing) hometown of Pittsburgh, things would have turned out much better for me. So, there's another lesson for you kids out there. Don't ever leave your hometown. You'll never be accepted anywhere else, and you're going to need to start building up that crony network at a very early age (like, kindergarten).

Kaiser Permanente, your online application makes me weep

Here’s a company that wastes no time in offending the applicant with an overload of red asterisks (meaning, if you don't provide the information, you can't proceed with the application).

Strike #1:

No, bumble-headed HR bozo who programmed this application, my Social Security number is NOT necessary in order to complete your silly job application. I don’t care how important you think you are. You are NOT that important.

Strike #2:

I’m sorry, but it’s none of your business what I earned at the beginning of every single job I’ve had or at the end of said job.  And here’s something to read for the bumble-headed HR bozo who programmed this application, Massachusetts Becomes First State EverTo Ban Employers From Asking For Salary Histories. 

Strike #3:

So, now you get even more invasive by demanding the intimate details of my clients. Do you seriously think I am going to give you such personal and private information at this stage? How do I know I can trust you to not be a jerk with this private information? (I once interviewed for a job, they checked my references, then they decided not to hire anybody -- I won't be so dumb as to let that happen again!) How do I know your server won’t be hacked (and ANY server can be hacked)? And, how do I know you won’t sell this information to the highest bidder? Sorry, but this is more than I can stomach. *Clicks* to close window. And, shame on anyone dumb enough to complete this application.

Wow, Stinkassachusetts, you actually did something that doesn't *stink*

File this one under "Holy Shit!" --

Massachusetts Becomes First State Ever To Ban Employers From Asking For Salary Histories

The law takes a step that is completely unique: it prohibits employers from asking prospective hires about their salary histories until after they make a job offer that includes compensation, unless the applicants voluntarily disclose the information. No other state has such a ban in place.

Many employers require applicants to give them a salary history at the outset or during the initial steps of the hiring process, usually to determine how much they should be paid and whether the employer can afford their salary. But this disadvantages women, who, thanks to a variety of factors that can include outright discrimination, make less than men on average. 

It is also the reason we've had falling/stagnating wages for so long. "Oh, you earned $12/hour ten years ago? Well, then, let's just offer you $12/hour now, if you were happy with that ten years ago then you should be equally happy with that today!"

So, kudos to you, Stinkassachusetts for getting one thing right. Too bad your job market still sucks (and your companies and the people).

Let's play "Spot the Old Fart" at Gartner

After seeing the banner image on their "Life at Gartner" page, it became pretty obvious why I didn't even qualify for a phone screening when I applied for a position there...